Walk This Way

A lil something struck me on my way to work today - lately NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO WALK!!! I know I've mentioned my short patience for this, however, lately it's literally every time I step outside I get angry at walkers!!

Why is it so hard to walk normal?! I've broken it down into four categories - I've literally spent a lot of thinking time on this and a lot of observation.

1. The Blatant Slow Walker. This is someone that does not care, has no place to be and is just moseying their way through life. They could care less about their surrounding sidewalk goers and they're happy to just take it all in. while this is enviable to never have to worry about when you get somewhere…please for the love of all that is Holy….GET OUT OF MY WAY!!

2. The Traverser. This person likes to zig zag their way up the sidewalk. Just when you think you can pass them - they cock block you and stand right in front of you. They will allow no suck thing. Their main purpose is to make sure you stay behind them at all times - it's as if they legit have eyes in the back of their heads - just watching your every move. They are among the most difficult to pass. And to anyone behind you - they make you look like a complete fool. You're running, trying to make a pick and go the opposite way - but no chance you sucker! Just succumb to their pace.

3. The Tourist. Ok - complete honesty - we've all been there. We've all been on vacation or in a new city and you just are exploring and looking around - believe me - this is one I struggle with being angry with. However - while you're enjoying yourselves on your lil vacay, some of us still have to navigate this place - so just step to the side. That's all - don’t rush - I don’t want you to miss anything - but please - just move to the side. I love that you're enjoying this place - NYC is one of (if not the) best cities in the world - but I live here - and I need to get to my destination - so please move to the side.

4. The Butt Bumper. Now this is something newer that I've noticed lately and it's driving me utterly bananas. These people will be walking at your clip and moving and we're moving and it's all great then ….STOP. Dead in their tracks. You literally bump right into their butts because you can't stop in time and you have no other place to go. I've prob bumped into about 5 people this week. Why can't you just be aware of your surroundings and if you want to stop, just move over. Don’t stop short or all of a sudden change direction so have I no choice other than to plow into you. It's not fun for you and it's certainly not fun for me.

When I finally make my way around one of these people I have such a sense of pride and joy.

Only to walk two more steps and hit another one of their kind. I'll leave you with this. I think this is by far one of my favorite Jimmy Fallon "Thank You Notes". He just sums it up sooo perfectly! Happy Friday everyone and please - WATCH WHERE YOU WALK!

"Thank you, slow walking family walking in front of me on the sidewalk. No, please, take your time. And definitely spread out, too, so you create a barricade of idiots. I am so thankful that you forced me to walk on the street and risk getting hit by a car in order to pass you so I could resume walking at a normal human pace." - Jimmy Fallon

A Few Lil Snipets

So lets discuss a few things.

1. I woke up to one of the alarms (not sure if it's fire or carbon monoxide) beeping because the batteries were dying. Soooo not necessary. I was so mad. How is that an appropriate way to enter into a day?! And the beeping is piercing, loud & incessant - it doesn't stop until you change the batteries.

So I muddled through it and I'm gonna have to change those suckers tonight. Sorry to all my neighbors that stay home all day - whoops!

2. I get to work, obviously sweating, you know because it was 24 degrees this morning. I have a love/hate with my North Face coat - the damn thing keeps me so stinking warm - but then after my walk into work I'm dying. Like who sweats in a temperature that your sweat could actually freeze?! How is that even possible?? I prob should have paid more attention in science class.

3. Upon getting into work I put my wedges on and go to walk for coffee…omg embarrassing moment….loudest squeaking…EVER!!! Like people were staring because it was so quiet in my office and those really set things off. So insane. Then I tried to slink back to my desk and quickly Googled "squeaky shoe fix" - yup - that happened and I was told to put hand cream inside my shoe. We all know that I'm always up for a challenge and to try new things, so hesitantly I smeared cream all inside my shoe. Low and behold…I let it dry and the stupid trick worked!!

So if you are ever in that sitch just slather on some good 'ol hand cream and you'll be back to business in no time!

4. I bought 3 lbs. weights last night. I read on Goop about this new Tracey Anderson workout you can do in 15 minutes.

I know a lot of people swear by her, so I thought I'd give it a try! I mean other than me looking like a fool, there really isn't anything to lose.

5. I feel the need to put in a lil plug for this show I saw. It's a live thing, so don't go looking on TV for it! But it's called Mortified and it's beyond hilarious. It plays in various cities, so I highly recommend you looking into seeing it. Basically it's regular people that get up on stage and read from their angsty teen diaries or past school projects or journals. It's ridiculous. I literally was in tears listening. And then it got me thinking that I'm sure I have a few gems of my own - I should prob dig those out. maybe I'll just transcribe them on here for all to enjoy.

So that's that for now. Happy Wednesday you lil punks!!

Happy Monday…I Mean Tuesday

Happy day back from a long weekend!! So gross!! First off - I need to wish a very special someone a happiest of birthdays!! Sydney's bday is today and I hope it's just fabulous!!


 We'll be celebrating this coming weekend in Atlantic City - so more on that to follow!!

I wound up having a great weekend! I had a last minute wedding invitation for Saturday - it was a co-worker, so no offense was taken that I got the invite on Monday! Basically another co-worker was getting married and there were 5 of us that went to the wedding - so much fun. I even got to see my little CCK in between the ceremony & the reception. Don’t worry we rolled in style - NBD we took a limo from NY to NJ. We had bevies in the car and it was just a really fun night. Some dancing, some drinking, some eating, a lil this a lil a that. This was my attire…and I got myself a blowout - which was fab.

Eliza J - sooo flattering - hard to see but there's rouching all along the sides that nicely hides what you don't want seen!

Bandolino - I needed a "pop" of color and these were comf and perfect



Aldo - this bag matched wierdly perfectly to my shoes...perfect tie in for the whole outfit



And some new makeup at Bobbi Brown - also fab!! I'm obsessed with these new things I got and I was obsessed with my makeup artist - there were no blemishes to be had on my face and she did such an unbelievable job. I told her to "make it look like I did it but better". Here are the new products I purchased:

Long-Wear Even Finish Compact Foundation - loving this style of foundation and it truly lasts all day

Lip Balm - it's amazing and leaves your lips soft and the best pink shade

Illuminating Bronzing Powder - it really highlights and brightens your face

After the reception we rolled on back to NYC and proceeded to go to another bar - because that was necessary. It's not like I was just singing Public Enemy in the limo home and making a fool out of myself - I def needed more drinks apparently. While in this bar I proceeded to walk up to a stranger …at a table…I repeat a stranger…with coworkers looking on and pull his hood over his head. I'm sorry what is wrong with me?! All I could think about was that part in Austin Powers where they're on Jerry Springer and Dr. Evil runs around the stage yelling "I got your hood. I got your hood.".  I thought I was simply hilarious. Thankfully his friends did too - no harm no foul?! What is my life??

Sunday was a total wash - I literally didn't get off the couch/leave my apartment. It was simply glorious. Sometimes you just really need days like that. I also was able to watch all things Beyonce and my love for her has grown even more than I thought it would. I saw her new documentary and her interview with Oprah. I mean - I just love her.

She's so real and awesome and beautiful and and and! I could go on. And don’t get me started on Blue Ivy - I mean could she be more precious/is a carbon copy of Jay-Z.

Yesterday was also a great day - I got to go see my bestie and her 2 little ones. They're so adorbz - I just love them to pieces! We had a great time playing and catching up!

And now I'm here - back at work - going to the gym after work - all things gross. Annnd people are driving me bananas. 

Buuuut silver lining - it's Tuesday, which means it's almost Wednesday, which means we're half way through!!

Happy Valentine's Day My Lil Valentines!!

So I couldn't think of a better day to come slithering back into your lives. I mean this day is all about love…so you have to still love me even though I've been MIA for a lil bit!!

And by gift I mean the gift of my words...haha.  On that note - I apologize profusely for my absence!! I figured I could give you an overview of what has happened in my life and then we'll be back on track!!

- Christmas happened - so that was good. I have a new nephew!!! So excited to have him in our lives. He's just the perfect most precious thing and I'm already spoiling him rotten. He just gets cuter by the minute…he has my heart!

- New Year's was spent at my parents house with some siblings and snacks. I was in sweats and couldn't have been happier - perfect way to ring in the New Year!!

- I had one of the best weekends ever in the beginning of January. My girls were in town and all was right with the world!! There were 12 of us that took over NYC - drinking, eating, and ridiculousness ensued. It seriously was one of the best weekends ever - full disclosure - I cried that Sunday night because it was over.

- I'm in a "Bold Moves" mode and I'm trying to use that as my motto. I actually adopted it from a blog I stumbled upon, Date By Numbers. It's a great read for those interested! I've been on a few dates (all were gross) and I gave my number to some bartender (he never called me)…all those things aside - I feel like I'm making progress and putting myself back in the ring!! Bold Moves - that's the way to go.

- Some kid that was 23 asked me how old I was (he was all chatting me up at a bar) and when I told him my age this was his response "I mean we're like on the total opposite end of the spectrum. But seriously - you look really good for your age." Ummmm worst.

- I went to muh guuurl Hermione's wedding in Austin. It was amazing!! I got to see Ruby & her husband and one of my favorite people in life….HAZEL!!! So fun to see everyone and we had an amzing time in Austin - lots of eating & drinking - my kind of situation!!

- I've had a few bang up nights with work people - so that's been fun.

- I was sick last week - so gross. I feel like everyone is sick and it is just awful. But I feel better so I can't complain…for now anyways!

Ok so now you're pretty much up to speed. I don’t have too much new to report - but I feel like I'm back on track! Again - apologies for being lame - just needed a lil break! But now I'm back in action…taking my life by the horns….Lizzie take the wheel.

An Angry Lil Day

Soooo I'm an cranky lil duck today!! This has just not been my day - actually started with last night when I got home. Let me break this down for you:


Last evening: Got home from my acupuncture appointment, totally excited I had my mom's homemade soup to eat for dinner. Oh I also had a migraine so I wasn't feeling myself. Heated it up ate/licked the bowl so delish. Angry because I wanted more. Starving. Nothing in my house to eat because I haven't had time to go to the grocery store. So mad. Didn't really sleep that well.

7:30 am: Wake up/just get up since I've been awake for awhile. Groggily go to the bathroom turn on the shower. Confused. Nothing is coming out. Turn on faucet. Confused. Nothing is coming out. Go to the bathroom - realize I can't flush the toilet. Umm I have no water - AT ALL!!! Angry. I throw on clothes to go down to talk to the doorman to see what is going on. Elevator opens - there's a sign in the elevator that reads in the handwriting of a small child: NO WATER. WATER TANK EMERGENCY. FIXING ASAP.

So that's that. Go back - don't shower. Oh and did I mention I got my period this morning?! TMI - sorry - I'm cranky! So I'm not feeling good on all fronts! Throw on clothes and I'm off to work.

8:30 am: Get to work - my secretary tells me I have a run in my stocking. IMMEDIATE anger. I paid so much money for these I'm embarrassed. But I got them on Friends & Family at Bloomies and they're the Commando brand - obsessed. But they're like $30/pair (less with F&F). SOOO this is the first time I've worn them and now they're done. Soooo much anger.

9:00 am: This guy I'm supposed to get set up for a video conference with another office is late - causing a situation. Putting out fires. He finally arrives at 9:15 am. Awesome.

11:15 am: Called a spa for a gift for my sister in law (they claim to be having 15% off all gift certificates). Get this woman on the phone who informs me that it's such an amazing deal and you only have to spend $200. I was like ummm what?! There is no mention of this ever anywhere and I'm not spending $200. This is blasphemous!! Angry.

11:35 am: Called Proactiv to cancel my subscription/membership since they took it upon themselves to charge my credit card $40 just because they felt like it and I didn't give them permission. Get this loon on the phone that tells me ok great they'll cancel after about 5 minutes of trying to persuade me, blah blah blah. Then informs me that my card will only be charged an additional $100 because I'm in this "3 month installment".

SO MUCH RAGE/ANGER. I never signed up for this and now I'm being charged all this money?! Blood pressure rising even just typing this!! There may or may not have been some yelling. I cancelled my life with them and now have to send this stupid thing back (at my own expense) to get them to stop charging my card!! INSANE!!

11:50 am: Just trying to take deep breathes and settle myself down.

12:45 pm: In H&M trying to pick up a cute lil number for an upcoming weekend jaunt. Don’t' have my size in practically anything I wanted - however I was able to find a few thigns worth bringing trying on and most likely returning. Get on line. There are about 15 people "working" and only one poor guy running the register. The others are just hanging out. The line is insane waited for awhile and then just went to another floor.

1:07 pm: Go to grab a wrap - excited because I haven't had one in awhile. Don’t worry they don't have avocado wahhhhhhhh!

1:12 pm: Go to get my Powerball ticket - the guy gives me the wrong thing and I literally almost burst into tears.

This. Day. And now I have to go to a doctor's appointment that is always like 3 hours behind schedule. The only thing getting me through is that I know I'm seeing CCK for dinner tonight!! A fun last minute surprise and I couldn't be more excited!!

I'll Take Things That Are Bananas for $100 Please

First things first…I ran into Vince Vaughn today on my way to work and I think we're most likely soul mates.  I mean we made eye contact and as far as I'm concerned - it was love at first sight.  SO I won't forget you little people on my way to the top of stardom with Vincey- pants.  Haha - which reminds me of when Hazel was "courting" this young chap named Lance and kept calling him "Lancey-pants" in her southern drawl - and to his face - that's the only name she'd call him - amazing.  I digress…so Vince Vaughn and I are going to get married - I'm not caring too much about his current wife - I mean if you could have seen our connection - you'd totally understand.

So getting back to things that are bananas I have 3 separate instances over the past few days - don’t even know what is going on in my life!

Volunteering Gone Awry

So I volunteered on Sunday to help clean up Sandy's mess.  I met up with a group of girls in my alumni chapter sorority group and we were going to join this organization that needed volunteers.  Well I left my house at like 8 am on Sunday to head to Brooklyn - finally got there and got on line.  There were a few other girls with my group, no one I knew, but they were friendly.  Well this organization was the most DISORANGIZED situation ever.  We basically waiting for almost 3 hours to be all put into random cars, separated, and brought out to a specific "site".  I was next in line, the organizer said she needed 2 people so I forced this other girl to come with me - sorry I'm not sorry.  We walked over to find our "driver".  Oh I should mention that basically there's a line for drivers with cars and a line for volunteers.  You just get paired up, given an address and you drive out with these random people about an hour away.  So we walk over and there are these 2 dudes - one with long gross pony tail hair, one of those earrings that you can see through the ear, cargo pants and a t-shirt.  The other was a lil guy with glasses, earrings and skinny jeans.  What's going on?!  Neither really spoke English - they were Russian.  So obviously we get in their car like it's totally normal.  This girl and I barely know each other and we're just like clinging to one another in the back of this dude's car.  Then he proceeds to make 2 stops, one at 7-11 and one to pick up his "friend" who was equally gross and scary.  He sat in the back seat with us, actually shoved in with us, politely offered us a "bite" of his gross food - and a literal bite he had like an empanada.  Oh and did I mention that blaring the whole time was Russian rap/punk music??  

Yup - this is my life.  So we had about a 45 minute drive to the Far Rockaway.  Let me tell you - I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to see.  It was completely devastating.  I literally was just in tears when we crossed over to the beach area.  I mean there were boats tossed in the middle of the street, concrete lamp posts ripped out, no boardwalk, homes completely ripped apart and destroyed and people just wandering around trying to make sense of it all.  At that point all the other BS in my life kind of dissipated.  It was just nuts.  However I was disappointed in the lack of organization in this place.  We walked in and basically spent a 1/2 hour just trying to find someone to tell us where/what we needed to do/go.  Finally we just started sorting clothing and bags and helping families find things that they needed.  We were basically in a donation area where families could come and pick up their necessities - food, clothes, cleaning supplies, etc.  So I did this for a few hours, not exactly what I had in mind - I really wanted to do more manual labor - but it's what they needed, so whatever I could do to help.  And then it took us 3 hours to get home because those D-Bags LEFT US!!!  

They left us stranded in Far Rockaway - which is QUEEENS for those of you that don't know!  So we had to take like 3 buses to the subway and then switch lines because nothing out there is even running yet.  It was maddening.  Like thanks for your volunteer efforts and being jerks!!

Cable Companies Can Suck It

So basically my cable bill for the past months has been totally insane.   I mean all I have is basic cable (no DVR - gasp!), internet and I add on HBO for like $10.  My bill is…brace yourself…over $150!!!  That is bananas to me!  Soooo I got ballsy and called yesterday and was like you need to do something - I'm a good customer - yada yada.  Oh and I should mention that I hate cable companies.  Sydney actually refers to my interactions with them as a verb.  For example if I need to get angry about something she'll say "just go Comcast on their ass".  So I'm on the phone with this lil twit and I was being all nice and explain that things are just a lil too pricey and is there anything they could do.  Her response, I kid you not was…"I can  give you Showtime for 6 months for $5". 

Ummm I'm sorry what?!  I just told you I needed to save money and your response was to add on another $5?? So I explained it again and she goes "I mean yah normally it's $10/month - so you'd save $5".  Ok now my blood is starting to rise/boil.  This girl is beyond.  Oh and I should mention that she keeps having to put me on hold to devise these gems.  So I ever so calmly tried to explain again my mission.  Finally after about 20 minutes of this conversation she says, well the only thing I could do would be give you internet for free for 6 mo, so you'd knock off like $60 from your bill.  Ding Ding Ding!!  Now if we'd just said this from the beginning we'd be all set!!

Pat Was My Cab Driver

Last night after my book club I got in a cab to go home.  It started out normal, it was dark, so I really couldn't see the person driving.  The he/she started talking to me in this weird "Pat-like" voice.  Now I hope you all know what I'm referring to - it's an old SNL skit with this person named "Pat" and no one knows if it's a male or female.  

So at first it was normal like oh what do you do chit chat - fine.  Then it starts asking if I'm married, have a boyfriend, am dating.  So I'm obliging - getting slightly uncomfortable as to where this is heading.  Then was our exchange:

Pat:  Did you see Argo?

Me:  Yah that was a great movie!

Pat:  Yahh….now THERE'S A REAL MAN!  SEXY TAKE CHARGE.  THAT'S A REAL MAN.  WHERE THE HELL ARE THE REAL MEN ANYMORE THERE ARE NONE - NOW THEIR ALL PUSSIES.

Me:  awkwardly shifting in my seat and trying to see what streets where on and how much further I had to go.

Pat was on a tear!  She was yelling and screaming about real men and it was insane!  Finally we approached my building and I was able to ricochet myself out of the cab.  Really not knowing what just happened!

Sooo there you have it.  Just a lil crazy to get you through the rest of the week!!  Stay warm Dolls - it's getting cold!!  XOXO

PSA - Very Important Info

So here's my PSA for today - actually I have 3. Two are semi-connected and one is not.

First PSA…VOTE! Get out there people! I voted this mronign - it was a mad house and I get that lines and waiting are annoying. BUT it's also really important - no matter who you support - just get out there.

I also got in trouble by a woman who was ummm about 90 years old because I wasn't voting fast enough. Oh I'm sorry - didn't realize how quickly you move so I'll be sure to hurry up! And BTW she worked there and was just trying to hurry people along - not ok!! I will take as long as I damn well please to decide and cast my vote…stand back lady!

As we approach the colder weather the second & third PSAs are slightly similar in nature. However each is equally as important as the other to keep in mind.
Second PSA…leggings are not pants. I repeat leggings are not pants. Period. End of statement.

I don’t care what you look like, how skinny you are, leggings are not to be worn as pants. The only time its slightly ok is at the gym. I get so annoyed when I see women prancing around in leggings and short tops. That's not how they are meant to be worn!

Please be a dear and cover your rear! PS - I just made that up - but I should copyright it as my legging slogan.

Third PSA…tights are not leggings. Especially when they are not opaque. You'd be shocked to find the amount of women walking around and you can see right through their pants/leggings/tights.

See how the two go together - because it's even worse when people wear their tights as leggings as pants. Stop the madness!!!

Ok - that's my 2 cents for the day. Please heed these warnings and think next time before you step out of the house.