It's Going Down...I'm Yelling TINDER!

First off - try to not sing that Ke$ha song for the rest of the day.  

Guys….the other night…I had a DATE!  No no don't get scared - hell is still as hot as ever and hasn't frozen over.  My friend Anna strongly urged/made me join Tinder.  Ugh - yes - Tinder. HOWEVER I've heard from numerous others that they've dated/been on dates with some really great guys, so I figured - what the hell?!  Welp - I had my first "Tindate" the other night…I can't really put into words how I feel about it, so you all can just be the judge.

Back story…he's 39 years old, in finance, decent looking (I mean who am I to judge?!), seemed  a lil funny.  He messaged me right away after we "matched" and we started chatting.  Normal stuff - nothing crazy.  Eventually he asked me to grab drinks and I obliged.  I should also mention that he seemed interested/conscientious - he checked in on me over the long weekend, asked how my trip to Boston was with my fam, etc.  I was really hopeful for this one.  We/I picked a spot and had a plan to meet there at 8 pm.  Now I was really trying to make an effort - I went home after work, re-did  makeup, put on a cute outfit, did my hair - really trying here.  

It was 7:50 pm, so I was literally just walking out the door when I got a message from him:  "Hey,still in the office. I should be there by latest 8:30.  Looking fwd to it." Basically he pretty much knew he was going to be late considering he lives downtown and the bar was uptown and would take him about 20 minutes to get there via subway.  Sooo already I'm annoyed, but I'm really trying here.  Like really trying.  Eventually I left my apt for the bar and we wound up getting there at the same time and had our awkward first encounter.  Phew - that's out of the way!  We sat down and he got me a beer…so I'm still kinda hopeful…so far so good.  Then he opened his mouth…. Annnnnd we're off!  I think the best way for me to recap this is to transcribe (to my best ability) our conversations/date/meeting/torture…

Me:  So you just started a new job, what type of work do you do in finance?
Him:  Do you even know anything about finance?? (condescendingly)
Me:  Well I mean basic, I was a business major, so I know some.
Him:  I work on the zippity zorp of the FGB along side the WPV and the schempes schlemps. …blah blah blah (he pretty much just used only acronyms and phrases that you would know if you worked at his job/at his desk/you were him…clearly things I didn't know)

Me:  (Smile & nod)….
Him:  (No questions about my job)
Me:  So Astoria - what made you move there?  I've heard great things about it, but haven't really been.
Him:  I was living with my ex-girlfriend - NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! And I had to move out and clearly I was going to buy something because I  could, so I looked everywhere and this was the best move.   I mean it's already appreciated in value in the like 3 months I've lived there.  But I had to buy like everything new - like everything.  I mean I had to buy utensils.
Me:  (giggling a bit because that's just that ridiculous) Utensils - huh?  I mean that's kinda called being a grown up.
Him:  Really - like utensils - I had to buy all new ones because I had nothing.
Me:  (changing the subject - or trying to)

**I should also take the time to mention that he was yawning the entire time.  like not little polite, I'm trying to hide how tired I am yawns, like big huge obnoxious yawns.**

Him:  Sorry - I'm just really tired - it's not you.  I have to get into work like super early.  You probably don't even understand how early.  Like I have to get there at like 7:45 am.
Me:  Oh yah I get it, I'm at work around 8:30 am everyday. 
Him:  That's like late compared to 7:45 am.
Me:  (thinking in my head…yah a whole 45 minutes really means a WORLD of difference)
Him:  Oh and I normally drink more.  Right now I'm just kind of off it because of my new job and I'm trying to stay focused.
Me:  Totally understand - I don't really drink much during the weeks and certainly not as much as I used to! (trying to convey that even if he didn't drink at all it really didn't matter to me)
Him:  NO - No I mean I get f*cked up on the weekends.  Like I'm a weekend warrior (yes folks he referred to himself as a "weekend warrior").  I get f*cked up on Friday, get up Saturday, run 5 miles, brunch it up and then get f*cked up again.  (did I mention he's almost 40?!)
Me:  Oh that's fun.

**Then we had a few other stupid conversations mainly about how great he is, etc.  Still yawning the whole time.**

Me:  I mean we can totally go if you're tired, want to head home.  (mind you I haven't even finished my beer).
Him:  Yah sounds good, let's go.

Game over.  Record time of 45 minutes.

Walk home…texting Anna and calling Hazel in Texas to just debrief.  I got home to this message from him:  "I'm sorry I was so lame. I'm usually not like that. I'mentally and physically fatigued, drained."  I just responded (which I shouldn't have even responded looking back) "no worries". 

Cut to me in DC.  Discussing this situation with Hillary & Sydney.  We kinda decided, maybe give him benefit of the doubt if he contacts me again.  I mean he's an ass, but maybe he was just off - who knows.  Saturday morning comes along…8 am…get a message from him.  Sydney and I were screeching a bit - she was like omg I bet he's just checking on you - kinda nice - let's open it.  I open it to find this gem…

"Hey, wanted to ask, did I look like my photos when u met me? Do I need to switch it up? Just curious…"

Soooo many emotions flew - Sydney and I were screaming and yelling and ranting and raving.  Who has the balls and audacity to send me that?!?!?!  I mean really?!  Did you really think that was a good idea??  Don't you have friends you can ask?!  What a D-BAG!!  Or as Anna calls him a "tinderk".

Over it!  

Done and done…on to the next…BTW I'm singing that Jay Z song in my head right now…

I’m on to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

Hold up, freeze

Somebody bring me back some money please…

**Photos from #Whatshouldwecallme and RealityTVGifs**

Bus Wars

Basically if you don’t take public transportation…mainly the bus…you may not sympathize with my situation.  The situation that is the full on bus etiquette war I'm in with another woman at my bus stop. 

So every form of public transportation has it's "rules" and things that people just know about and obey.  You get away with not knowing things maybe your first/second time around.  After that - no chance underpants.  Such things may include (but are not limited to):

• No speakers (ie cell phones, boom boxes, video games, etc.)
• Not sitting directly on top of another person (if and only if there are no other seats available)
• Elderly, disabled, pregnant people allll get first dibs on seats 
• When going on the escalator down to your train, you stand to the right and run to the left (might change depending on the city)

Now those are just a few…however my BIGGEST rule is how you get onto said transportation.  Now in NYC, at a bus stop, there is typically some sort of line.  The first person stands wherever and then everyone else that arrives stands behind them.  Now of course there are times where it's more of a "cluster", in these situations, you normally have an idea of who came when and everyone files in accordingly. 

There is this woman at my stop every morning and seriously - we're in a huge fight.  First let me explain her.  She looks like she has no idea where she is and doesn't know anything, but don't let that fool you - she knows exactly what she's doing!  She always is wearing a longer trench coat.  And my favorite part is her head gear.  I can't even describe.  She has one hat that kinda looks like this (yes it has fur, too):

However, most of the time she wears a scarf around her head, ties it under her chin, and puts a Yankees bucket hat on top.  What?!  Not necessary.  It doesn't even add warmth!!

Now the fights…every day she comes sweeping in on the corner and pretends to not see the 10 other people standing in line.  She cuts to the front EVER SINGLE TIME!!  So the first few times I let her get away with it, now my friend it's on.  Every day we're in a war/battle.  

I now can track the bus on my phone, so when it starts getting close, I position myself to be in front (not cut necessarily, just be in front to box her out).  This morning I shoved myself in front of her, however there was an older woman to my side with a cane, so I obvi let her go ahead of me, she was livid!  Mainly because I almost pushed her over.  

Another time I just pretended I didn't see her "merging" into the line, and I just stayed really close to the guy in front of me not letting her in, she was soooo pissed off.  My blood literally boils when I see her. 

She's not going to get me - not if I can help it!  I don’t even want her seat, I go to the back of the bus (she sits in the front), but it's just the principle of the thing! 

It's officially on biotch…it's on…game over for you and your stupid hat!

Happiest of V-Days!!

Happy Valentine's Day Betches!!  Haha - not sure why I said that - sounded better in my head.  Anywho…hope all your little hearts are filled with love!  I've gotten 5 valentine's today already …who's jealy?!  1 from my dad, one from each of my 3 nephews and 1 from CCK's lil girl!  I mean I don't really think it gets much better than that!  ANNND my day's not even over…so valentine's day = winning. 

In the last 24 hours, however, not all things have been "winning".  I've had a few mishaps along the way and a few things happen that I'd rather not and/or never thought would happen.  Let's discuss…

1.  We got more snow.  Now I know this isn't going to turn into a weather rant, but seriously - Pax you are a biotch.  Along with each of these lovely days, I've developed a routine of how I need to prepare for the elements.  Huge/puffy/long North Face coat (hood up of course), huge scarf, boots (preferably that come to my knee), mittens and earmuffs (that my cousin made for me from an animal of some sort that he hunted…Merry Christmas).  You can picture in your head how attractive and sex-pot-ish I look.   Line forms to the left boys!

2.  With said elements comes this gross disgusting slush.  It's a mixture of garbage, dirt, snow, sleet, rain and ice…beautiful.  And it's cold as a mo-fo…so if you step off that curb into it…usually you're about calf deep and people - it's miserable!  Yesterday, while waiting for the bus, some idiot thought it was fun to drive like a maniac and spray said sludge/water/grossness all over me…knee down…never been more angry.  

And then while walking to work this morning some guy kicked it and it got all over me…it actually hit the 3 inches of my legs that are not covered by some sort of winter gear…tights out lights out for me (did that make sense…again…sounded good in my head).

3.  I got a LinkedIn request from my former landlord in DC.  I immediately texted Sydney who was dying.  Like why me?  Why now?  Just why?!  We used to live in this garden style building, so there were only about 6 units.  He was a lunatic…spoke with an accent thought he was like this Latin lover.  His maintenance guy, Ricky, and him used to fight ALL THE TIME.  And Sydney and I would put the TV on mute and just listen…best arguments ever.  And my favorite one ended like this…screams screams screams (all in another language) then…landlord to Ricky "I luh you".  

What?!  If you all could have seen the looks on our faces...I can't even imagine.  This was amazing and the best thing I ever heard.  Lesson learned...as much as they fought they always had love for each other.  So yah people…we're now LinkedIn - I'm sure he's going to bring me a lot of professional growth.

4.  Is it weird that I kinda heart the trifecta that all go medals in last night's Men's Slopestyle?!  I mean I feel like their combined age might add up to someone I could legally date, but I'm kinda smitten.  They're just arorbs.  And they're pretty bad-ass…those jumps were no joke.  I literally was clenching my blanket  hoping no one would die.

Well I'm off to Boston for the weekend to visit my newbie nephew…couldn't be more excited!  I hope you all have a fabulous Valentine's Day filled with love, laughs & wine (obvi)!!  XOXO

How To Survive Winter

Is anyone else totally over this weather?!  I'm usually not one to complain when it comes to snow/winter - but enough is enough!!  We've had too much and now we're getting more and someone is angry (aka me).  There's not much motivating me these next few weeks or some amazing beach vacay at the end of this gloomy, freezing cold tunnel.  Wahhhhhh.  I do however have a few fun weekend jaunts coming up, DC for Sydney's bday, Chicago in April and I just booked a lil trippy to Houston in March.  BUT I feel like I need more to keep me going!!  And work and the gym are simply not cutting it!!  The only thing slightly keeping me afloat is the amazing reality TV that has been gracing us lately.  Here are a few things that I'm currently obsessed with and my rationale…trust me you'll need to get involved.

Vanderpump Rules - Now if you haven't already gotten on board…you really need to.  The season is over, but the reunion specials are on now.  This sums it up...

Do yourself a favor and binge watch it during this next snow storm.   It's ahhhmazing.  And these kids are no joke cray to the zay.  I won't totally spoil things now…I'll give you till the next reunion show (you have 1 week).  And if you think for one second that I wasn't at an event with Jax Taylor last week...YOU'RE WRONG!!

Couple's Therapy - Ok so I'm slightly embarrassed by this on…a lil WT, HOWEVER it's beyond.  I mean in one house you have Taylor from RHOBH, FARRAH from Teen Mom & Ghostface Killah…I'm sorry…WHAT?!?!?!  The amount of times that Farrah "cries"/can't speak/whispers is beyond.  And she's there alone…I repeat…she is at couple's therapy alone.  Oh and Taylor cries over green towels.  It's just too much and I can't handle it …oh and did I mention John Gosslin is also on there??

The Bachelor  - Now I haven't tuned into this since Trista & Ryan.  It's seriously been that long.  We used to watch it in college with wine and friends and it was great - but it lost it's "charm" when I was watching sober…alone.  BUT I stumbled upon it a few weeks ago and I must say I'm aboard this runaway train.  It's a disaster.  These girls - I can't.  get a hold of yourselves!!  If one more 20 something talks about "settling down" and "ticking clocks" and needing to get married - I'm gonna scream.  I think these reviews really nailed it!  However, it's worth it every week to tune into the meltdown that ensues - because don't worry - there's one every week.  This is my fave...oh Victoria! 

Rich Kids of Beverly Hills - I still can't tell if I hate this or love this.  I feel like parts of it are so beyond ridiculous that I just can't help but sit there laughing.  And it's better when they acknowledge how ridiculous it really is.  The one girl who I think is hilar is Morgan - I kinda wanna be her friend. 

Obviously this list is non-exclusive of my original faves…every RH (meaning every city).  Kardashians…I just can't quit you!  Shah's of Sunset…finale tonight!! 

Soooo I hope you all have snow days this week!  I'm positive I won't…because don't worry I was at work when New York was declared a "State of Emergency"…so that's normal.  You know just had to climb over a few snow mounds, but I made it!  Smiling allll the way….

Wacky Wednesday

Happy Wednesday!!!  We're almost through the week kids!  

Last night I went with a friend to Carnegie Hall to see Lena Dunham & David Sedaris.  It was entitled "Along Together At Last".  My friend had an extra ticket, I thought it might be funny, but I didn't really know too much about David Sedaris before going in.  Pretty sure it was phenomenal!  I Had such a good time and the 2 of them were beyond hilarious.

They both did readings from their books that are coming/just came out.  David Sedaris also read an article that he had just written for the New Yorker.  This article was fantastic.  He has the weird side of dark humor completely captured.  I think hearing him read his work is also such an amazing experience, there are certain ways he says things that allows you to just know it's "ok" to laugh at something.    He has a number of books out too, one in particular is next on my list for this time of year - it's called SantalandDiaries in which he talks about his time as an elf at Macy's, green tights and all! 

Lena Dunham was equally as hilarious and amazing.  She has a new book, Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s Learned, coming out and I seriously can't wait to ready it.  She read a few excerpts and I literally was crying.  She's just so real and seemingly "normal".  Even her stage presence was hilarious - she got on and was like listen I'm probably going to mispronounce words, fumble, etc., but just go with it.  Nothing pretentious or "important" about her!

As a totally different note/discussion…these 3 things happened to me this morning …

1.  On the bus this woman basically runs on with her son (mind you there are not that many people on, so it's not crowded).  Instead of telling the son to just sit down at a normal seat, she lets him run wild and all the way to the back of the bus.  The bus starts going and he basically flies across the aisle into some woman's lap and she, while trying to get to him, slams about 3 people (myself included) with his scooter.  Let's just say thank God the kid still had his helmut on from his epic scooter ride, which I'm sure consisted of 1 block.  Needless to say all of this and the 2 of them went literally 1 stop.  1 stop.  People are insane.

2.  On this same bus ride there was an angry woman who was older.  Every time the bus stopped she thought it was her stop.  Meanwhile - the bus driver does announce stops and he stopped at every avenue (we were going across town).  Oh also - she was getting off at 6^th Avenue (my stop) and this started at 1^st Ave.  Finally it was her shining moment and the bus was at a light, however she knew her stop was approaching, thought the stopped bus (due to said red light) meant she could just get off (not at the actual stop).  She began pushing on the door and yelling "BACK DOOR - I'M TRYING TO GET OFF!!!  BACK DOOR!!!"  Finally I politely said "we're not at the stop yet" and then she gave me a dirty look, the bus got to the stop and she scooted off.

3.  I get to work, get situated and settled.  Just starting my day and I hear this from one of the secretaries that sits outside my office door:  "This God damn list keeps changing like someone's bad underwear!!"

So I'll leave you with that lil gem.  I'm off to my old stomping grounds tomorrow…D to the C-izzle (does that work…no?!  Sorry I embarrassed myself).  I hope you all have fabulous weekends!!

Apparently I'm The Most Unorganized Organized Person

Ummm since when does it snow in mid-November and then go up to 60 degrees like 3 days later?!  What is going on lately?!?!?!?  Seriously - I can't handle it.  Everyone is getting sick, my migraines have been out of control, can we please just pick a temperature and somewhat stick to it?? 

Which brings me to my dilemma this morning.  I've been really trying to go to the gym before I go  into work, which, yes, is totally gross.  But my nights have been so nuts lately and that's always the first thing to go.  So I've been trying to get into a routine of 6:30 am wake up, on some sort of equipment by 7 am, showering by 8 am and work by 8:45 am at the latest.  It gives me time to do what I need to do and then on the weekends I can enjoy a spin class or Pilates.  I digress…this morning I walked out in cropped pants, sneakers, tank top, thankfully I put on a long sleeved shirt over my tank top and then my coat.  I walk out of my building and literally it's like monsooning out.  The wind is insane, it's raining and it's about 1 degree.  I was completely unprepared for the elements.  Which led me to thinking that since I've been doing this whole morning routine I have been unprepared in more ways then one.  My intentions of being all good and healthy and doing this in the morning are good, the outcome...not so much.  Every morning I look into my bag with this same expression:

I have either forgotten or brought the wrong thing…examples:

- No undies (had to go to the Gap when they opened to purchase a new pair)
- No bra (had to wear my gross sports bra until I could go to the Gap to buy a new one)
- A sweater that matched my outfit…only to find a huge hole in the armpit
- A skirt that totally fit last year…not so much this year
- Stockings…with a run
- Tights I thought were opaque tights but were really just sheer stockings (not a good look when you need tights)
- No moisturizer for my face (which sounds stupid, but I'm using things now that make my face basically feel like cracked clay without it)
- No commuting flats (so I had to rock the tights & sneakers look)
- No brush - which is just awesome
- A dress that is blatantly too short (shrunk in the wash and wasn't that short last time)

I know there is probably more, but this is all I can talk about at this point.  I've come to work more times than I'd like to think about dressed like a complete maniac.  Good thing no one really talks to me.  Womp womp.  Or maybe they just don’t talk to me because I either look like a crazy person or the office slore…either way...I need to get more thoroughly organized in this routine!!!

 

Hallo...WHAT is she wearing?!?!

Well hello my little pumpkins!!  Or actually Halloween is over (kinda glad), so I guess you'd be my lil cornucopias!   

So not much has happened since I last checked in.  My summer and fall kinda got away from  me between work, personal & family stuff it's been a bit nuts.  But now things are settling down, so I feel a lot better about everything!

So this past weekend was Halloween in NYC.  Which is kinda like one of the worst situations of life if you ask me.  I've never been a huge Halloween person, it kinda stresses me out.  I liken it to New Year's Eve - a lot of hype and then I'm normally let down.  So I decide to just become a hermit/90 year old woman on both of these holidays.  BUT Halloween in NYC is just a spectacle to behold.  Many girls takes this opportunity to dress like a complete slores, while I take the opportunity to dress in the biggest/most comfortable thing I can find (aka a pumpkin, bunch of grapes, bumble bee, etc.).  This past weekend I had to witness, among other things, this group of girls in their "80s gear" - soooo leotards, tights & leg warmers and they pretended that the 80s was basically equated to 1947.  I just sat there thinking  - I lived that - you didn't - you're little twits (hence the 90 year old woman coming out).  But they were flouncing (I'm going to pretend that's a word) in their no bras and tights and exposed backs and everything like it was normal and they were the hottest things in the bar.  Soooo I decided to enlighten you all with a few jems from this past Halloween of what actual people dressed up as (in addition to the usual suspects…sexy nurse, sexy police woman, sexy princess, etc)…this is not a drill…girls went out in public like this thinking it was fine because it was Halloween….and the actual names of these costumes are listed below…I repeat the ACTUAL names of these costumes…

Blast Off!  Astronaut

Candy Corn Cutie

Cherry Pie

Princess in Prison

Sexy Corn

Sexy Halloween

Yo Mummy

Bascially this is me watching all these youngins…

On another note…I also watched the marathon this weekend - congrats to all those runners!!  It's a tremendous amount of work, effort, sweat, tears, time, but it's one of the most rewarding and amazing experiences you'll ever have in your life.  Well done!! 

So I'll be on my way now.  I promise I'll be a bit better now that things have calmed down around me.  Until next time…Happy Monday!!

It's Your Lucky Day!!

Just a quick lil story for your entertainment - or maybe pity - I'm not quite sure which. 

I've become involved in Tarte cosmetics (thanks to Ruby!).  The first tinted moisturizer I got is great, but just slightly darker than my normal skin color (but great for when I have a glowing tan - which happens so often).  SOOO I decided to go into Henri Bendels yesterday to just get a lil bit lighter one.  I was short on time, so I literally slow jogged right up to the counter, I was like "hi I have 12 and I think I need 10, sooooo can you just grab that I can pay and be on my way?!"  The sales woman was annoying (had her once before) - insisted on testing things and finally wound up with the one that I told her I wanted from the beginning.  So she goes to grab it, this is after she tried to push another type on me, but I stuck to my guns and then she convinced me that I was making the right choice.  This is how the rest of the experience went…

Woman:  Ohhh ummm yikes….soooo ummm…looks like we're out of 10, but are you sure you don’t want the other one??

Me:  Yah - I mean I think this kind just suits me best, so I guess I'll just have to get it somewhere else.
Woman:  WELLLLLL we just got a shipment in this morning, so let me run downstairs really quick and see - I'm positive there will be some more in those boxes.
Me:  Oh that's great- thanks.
**Cut to 10 minutes later**
Woman:  (as she running at me through the store with 3 huge boxes) IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY!!!
Me:  Oh such great news!
**She then proceeds to take out this brush & powder concoction and goes to try it on me. **

Me:  Umm I'm sorry I don’t really have time for this, can I just have the tinted moisturizer and I'll be on my way.
Woman:  OHHH yah so about that - we didn't have it.  BUT I totally think the other one is the best way to go anyway.
Me:  (getting slightly more annoyed as the time passes and now questioning why I'm even here) OK YOUR WERE YELLING HOW IT WAS MY LUCKY DAY SO I FIGURED THAT YOU HAD IT.  FINE JUST GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE.  (oh and I've also been there for 0ver 20 minutes, so I'm getting hella angry now).
Woman: (scurries over to the drawer searching…searching…searching…) Oh shoot (in this pathetic meeke voice)…we're out of that one too.

Me:  (say no words…look of death…storm out).

 

Happy almost Friday everyone!!  I'm heading to Deep Creek Lake with some of my girlies!!  Enjoy the weekends!!  XOXO

 

A Few Lil Snipets

So lets discuss a few things.

1. I woke up to one of the alarms (not sure if it's fire or carbon monoxide) beeping because the batteries were dying. Soooo not necessary. I was so mad. How is that an appropriate way to enter into a day?! And the beeping is piercing, loud & incessant - it doesn't stop until you change the batteries.

So I muddled through it and I'm gonna have to change those suckers tonight. Sorry to all my neighbors that stay home all day - whoops!

2. I get to work, obviously sweating, you know because it was 24 degrees this morning. I have a love/hate with my North Face coat - the damn thing keeps me so stinking warm - but then after my walk into work I'm dying. Like who sweats in a temperature that your sweat could actually freeze?! How is that even possible?? I prob should have paid more attention in science class.

3. Upon getting into work I put my wedges on and go to walk for coffee…omg embarrassing moment….loudest squeaking…EVER!!! Like people were staring because it was so quiet in my office and those really set things off. So insane. Then I tried to slink back to my desk and quickly Googled "squeaky shoe fix" - yup - that happened and I was told to put hand cream inside my shoe. We all know that I'm always up for a challenge and to try new things, so hesitantly I smeared cream all inside my shoe. Low and behold…I let it dry and the stupid trick worked!!

So if you are ever in that sitch just slather on some good 'ol hand cream and you'll be back to business in no time!

4. I bought 3 lbs. weights last night. I read on Goop about this new Tracey Anderson workout you can do in 15 minutes.

I know a lot of people swear by her, so I thought I'd give it a try! I mean other than me looking like a fool, there really isn't anything to lose.

5. I feel the need to put in a lil plug for this show I saw. It's a live thing, so don't go looking on TV for it! But it's called Mortified and it's beyond hilarious. It plays in various cities, so I highly recommend you looking into seeing it. Basically it's regular people that get up on stage and read from their angsty teen diaries or past school projects or journals. It's ridiculous. I literally was in tears listening. And then it got me thinking that I'm sure I have a few gems of my own - I should prob dig those out. maybe I'll just transcribe them on here for all to enjoy.

So that's that for now. Happy Wednesday you lil punks!!

An Angry Lil Day

Soooo I'm an cranky lil duck today!! This has just not been my day - actually started with last night when I got home. Let me break this down for you:


Last evening: Got home from my acupuncture appointment, totally excited I had my mom's homemade soup to eat for dinner. Oh I also had a migraine so I wasn't feeling myself. Heated it up ate/licked the bowl so delish. Angry because I wanted more. Starving. Nothing in my house to eat because I haven't had time to go to the grocery store. So mad. Didn't really sleep that well.

7:30 am: Wake up/just get up since I've been awake for awhile. Groggily go to the bathroom turn on the shower. Confused. Nothing is coming out. Turn on faucet. Confused. Nothing is coming out. Go to the bathroom - realize I can't flush the toilet. Umm I have no water - AT ALL!!! Angry. I throw on clothes to go down to talk to the doorman to see what is going on. Elevator opens - there's a sign in the elevator that reads in the handwriting of a small child: NO WATER. WATER TANK EMERGENCY. FIXING ASAP.

So that's that. Go back - don't shower. Oh and did I mention I got my period this morning?! TMI - sorry - I'm cranky! So I'm not feeling good on all fronts! Throw on clothes and I'm off to work.

8:30 am: Get to work - my secretary tells me I have a run in my stocking. IMMEDIATE anger. I paid so much money for these I'm embarrassed. But I got them on Friends & Family at Bloomies and they're the Commando brand - obsessed. But they're like $30/pair (less with F&F). SOOO this is the first time I've worn them and now they're done. Soooo much anger.

9:00 am: This guy I'm supposed to get set up for a video conference with another office is late - causing a situation. Putting out fires. He finally arrives at 9:15 am. Awesome.

11:15 am: Called a spa for a gift for my sister in law (they claim to be having 15% off all gift certificates). Get this woman on the phone who informs me that it's such an amazing deal and you only have to spend $200. I was like ummm what?! There is no mention of this ever anywhere and I'm not spending $200. This is blasphemous!! Angry.

11:35 am: Called Proactiv to cancel my subscription/membership since they took it upon themselves to charge my credit card $40 just because they felt like it and I didn't give them permission. Get this loon on the phone that tells me ok great they'll cancel after about 5 minutes of trying to persuade me, blah blah blah. Then informs me that my card will only be charged an additional $100 because I'm in this "3 month installment".

SO MUCH RAGE/ANGER. I never signed up for this and now I'm being charged all this money?! Blood pressure rising even just typing this!! There may or may not have been some yelling. I cancelled my life with them and now have to send this stupid thing back (at my own expense) to get them to stop charging my card!! INSANE!!

11:50 am: Just trying to take deep breathes and settle myself down.

12:45 pm: In H&M trying to pick up a cute lil number for an upcoming weekend jaunt. Don’t' have my size in practically anything I wanted - however I was able to find a few thigns worth bringing trying on and most likely returning. Get on line. There are about 15 people "working" and only one poor guy running the register. The others are just hanging out. The line is insane waited for awhile and then just went to another floor.

1:07 pm: Go to grab a wrap - excited because I haven't had one in awhile. Don’t worry they don't have avocado wahhhhhhhh!

1:12 pm: Go to get my Powerball ticket - the guy gives me the wrong thing and I literally almost burst into tears.

This. Day. And now I have to go to a doctor's appointment that is always like 3 hours behind schedule. The only thing getting me through is that I know I'm seeing CCK for dinner tonight!! A fun last minute surprise and I couldn't be more excited!!

Just a Little Rant

So I'm struggling today to come up with a "topic".  I'm kinda in a bad mood - so I don’t really want to talk - period - buuuutttt for you all I'm trying to make an exception!!  I think I'll go with a little list of a few things:

1.  I went to the gym the other day (not going to say how long it had been) and I was done with my cardio and ready to stretch/do my sit-ups.  I go over to where the mats are and obvi it's crowded - it was like 6 pm on a Tuesday night - that's when everyone goes.  So that's fine - I find a little sliver on the mat, throw down my towel and start my routine.  I glance over to my right and there are 2 people (clearly a couple) that are literally just laying there doing nothing.  Like people  are waiting for spots - but these 2 are just laying there - kinda rolling around.  So I get back to doing what I'm doing and try to stay focused - don’t get annoyed.  About 5+ minutes later I realize that now it's just the 2 of them and me on this mat.  All like scrunched into the corner - and then they start flirty flirt and making out.  I'm sorry - this is neither the time NOR the place for this!!  

I'm literally fuming at this point - who does that?!  Finally I just got up and left and some girl glanced and me and gave me a "look" when I was leaving - like can you believe them?!  People are seriously insane.

2.  I tried to get the new iPhone last night (4s) - it will be my very first one!!  And you can "reserve" them starting at 9pm the night before and then pick them up the next day.  Well it's like hella difficult to get one like this and it's so stressful.  Well of course I get access 3 separate times but freaking Apple decides not to accept my password!!!  I'm on the phone with them and they are all "yah that's the password/ID - must just be a glitch and so many people trying to do this now" - oh really - is that what it is?!  

Thank you sir - now I've lost 3 phones and when you finally "fixed" it - they were sold out.  FML.

3.  I hit a taxi with my umbrella yesterday because I was angry it didn't obey the "walk" sign that I clearly had.  

I mean my umbrella was open and I just let it hit into the taxi - I didn't pull a complete Britney - although I would have enjoyed that.

4.  I'm heading to my 'ole alma mater this weekend.  Color me a dork - but I was accepted into this "leadership" program that they are doing.  I loved school a lot - I know - nerd alert!  So I was really excited for this opportunity - PLUS I get to go back to campus!  AND Sydney got accepted too - look out - things are gonna get cray cray.  We've already decided that we can't go near certain areas of campus tomorrow night for fear of being "sucked in".  We have to be at our "retreat" at 8 AM Saturday morning - serious!  BUT we have nothing on Sunday so things are gonna get wild - PS its also alumni weekend - so I'll prob come back married to someone celebrating their 10 year reunion - I'm just saying. 

So sorry I'm not sorry for this little rant.  It was actually quite therapeutic!  Have wonderful weekends lovelies!!!  XOXO

PS - You're welcome for this...

"Guess Who's Back? Back Again."

Hello Friends!! I kinda feel like an absentee parent - so sorry for being MIA. Things have been completely insane - work & personally! But I feel like I may be able to get back on track now!

How was everyone's Mem Day?! Mine was atrocious! Well - it did get better - sorry that was a lil dramatic. Basically I never made it to see my nephew - which to me = epic disaster. I got to the airport at 3 pm (for my 5 pm flight) and things started going down hill from there. Our flight was 2 and a half hours delayed - they claimed for "mechanical problems". They wouldn't let us leave the gate area and I was completely starving - but figured as soon as I got to where I was going - I'd eat. Then we finally all boarded the flight and the captain gets on and says (in a pilot-y voice):

Pilot: Ok so we're just about ready to push off. Quick thing - we have no air conditioning today - so it's gonna be a lil hot. But as soon as we get in the air - it will cool down dramatically. So just relax - enjoy and we'll be to your destination in 49 minutes.

Soo let me also note that it was about 100 degrees in NYC that day - and I was in the last possible seat - right by the bathroom. Amazing. But fine - I'd be to my precious lil guy in no time! We push off start out and we're waiting and we're waiting. THREE HOURS LATER…

Pilot: Ok guys so listen up, we're still about 18th in line to take off and now we're out of fuel. So real quick we're just gonna scoot on back to the gate and fuel up. We'll de-plane and have you guys back on board in 20 minutes to take off.

Ok so by this point - I'm hot, I'm tired, I'm cranky - it's almost 11 pm. Let me paint you this picture - it was so hot that the guy diagonal from me came on in a full suit - at this point he was only wearing his suit pants and shoes - no shirt at all. I had on a sweater and pants - hair all down - at the this time - no sweater, a gross camisole that shouldn't be seen in public, my hair in a side ponytail and my makeup dripping down my face. As we're heading back to the gate the pilot claims there's "traffic" and it has now been about a half hour. Things started to get RULL ugly - I'm talking Snakes on a Plane - ugly. People are yelling and screaming. The flight attendant is yelling at us - no one can go to the bathroom - no cell phones - no water - we're hot and angry and then the pilot gets on.

Pilot: THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. THE YELLING NEEDS TO STOP. DO NOT DISRESPECT MY FLIGHT ATTENTANT. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IF IT DOESN'T STOP YOU WILL BE ESCORTED OFF BY AIRPORT SECRUTIY.
Man in front of me: AT LEAST WE'D GET OFF THIS F'ING PLANE THEN!!

I mean it was serious. They finally get us back to the gate, deplane us and we're all waiting in the gate. There is no one else there, nothing is open, we're still starving. Finally after about 20 minutes they announce that our flight has been cancelled. OH I'M SORRY WHAT?!?!? After all this - we are cancelled?!

HATE!! I was almost too angry to even be angry. After about 15 minutes of phone negotiations, I left the airport, shared a cab home with 2 random guys and went back to my apt. cried for a bit, ate some random food I had and went to bed. Mem Day '11 - huge bust!

So on Saturday I immediately texted Hazel, Chase & Juan to see what they were up to. Collectively they were able to pull be out of my bad mood and salvage what was left of a beautiful weekend. So I thank them all for that!!

Anywho - these past few days have just been cray cray - but I'm back on track and ready to rock & roll! And btw - I saw Hangover 2 last night - basically peed my pants. It was hilar. I think I also wasn't expecting it to be good - so that made it that much better. Recommend you all go see it this weekend!! XOXO