It's Going Down...I'm Yelling TINDER!

First off - try to not sing that Ke$ha song for the rest of the day.  

Guys….the other night…I had a DATE!  No no don't get scared - hell is still as hot as ever and hasn't frozen over.  My friend Anna strongly urged/made me join Tinder.  Ugh - yes - Tinder. HOWEVER I've heard from numerous others that they've dated/been on dates with some really great guys, so I figured - what the hell?!  Welp - I had my first "Tindate" the other night…I can't really put into words how I feel about it, so you all can just be the judge.

Back story…he's 39 years old, in finance, decent looking (I mean who am I to judge?!), seemed  a lil funny.  He messaged me right away after we "matched" and we started chatting.  Normal stuff - nothing crazy.  Eventually he asked me to grab drinks and I obliged.  I should also mention that he seemed interested/conscientious - he checked in on me over the long weekend, asked how my trip to Boston was with my fam, etc.  I was really hopeful for this one.  We/I picked a spot and had a plan to meet there at 8 pm.  Now I was really trying to make an effort - I went home after work, re-did  makeup, put on a cute outfit, did my hair - really trying here.  

It was 7:50 pm, so I was literally just walking out the door when I got a message from him:  "Hey,still in the office. I should be there by latest 8:30.  Looking fwd to it." Basically he pretty much knew he was going to be late considering he lives downtown and the bar was uptown and would take him about 20 minutes to get there via subway.  Sooo already I'm annoyed, but I'm really trying here.  Like really trying.  Eventually I left my apt for the bar and we wound up getting there at the same time and had our awkward first encounter.  Phew - that's out of the way!  We sat down and he got me a beer…so I'm still kinda hopeful…so far so good.  Then he opened his mouth…. Annnnnd we're off!  I think the best way for me to recap this is to transcribe (to my best ability) our conversations/date/meeting/torture…

Me:  So you just started a new job, what type of work do you do in finance?
Him:  Do you even know anything about finance?? (condescendingly)
Me:  Well I mean basic, I was a business major, so I know some.
Him:  I work on the zippity zorp of the FGB along side the WPV and the schempes schlemps. …blah blah blah (he pretty much just used only acronyms and phrases that you would know if you worked at his job/at his desk/you were him…clearly things I didn't know)

Me:  (Smile & nod)….
Him:  (No questions about my job)
Me:  So Astoria - what made you move there?  I've heard great things about it, but haven't really been.
Him:  I was living with my ex-girlfriend - NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! And I had to move out and clearly I was going to buy something because I  could, so I looked everywhere and this was the best move.   I mean it's already appreciated in value in the like 3 months I've lived there.  But I had to buy like everything new - like everything.  I mean I had to buy utensils.
Me:  (giggling a bit because that's just that ridiculous) Utensils - huh?  I mean that's kinda called being a grown up.
Him:  Really - like utensils - I had to buy all new ones because I had nothing.
Me:  (changing the subject - or trying to)

**I should also take the time to mention that he was yawning the entire time.  like not little polite, I'm trying to hide how tired I am yawns, like big huge obnoxious yawns.**

Him:  Sorry - I'm just really tired - it's not you.  I have to get into work like super early.  You probably don't even understand how early.  Like I have to get there at like 7:45 am.
Me:  Oh yah I get it, I'm at work around 8:30 am everyday. 
Him:  That's like late compared to 7:45 am.
Me:  (thinking in my head…yah a whole 45 minutes really means a WORLD of difference)
Him:  Oh and I normally drink more.  Right now I'm just kind of off it because of my new job and I'm trying to stay focused.
Me:  Totally understand - I don't really drink much during the weeks and certainly not as much as I used to! (trying to convey that even if he didn't drink at all it really didn't matter to me)
Him:  NO - No I mean I get f*cked up on the weekends.  Like I'm a weekend warrior (yes folks he referred to himself as a "weekend warrior").  I get f*cked up on Friday, get up Saturday, run 5 miles, brunch it up and then get f*cked up again.  (did I mention he's almost 40?!)
Me:  Oh that's fun.

**Then we had a few other stupid conversations mainly about how great he is, etc.  Still yawning the whole time.**

Me:  I mean we can totally go if you're tired, want to head home.  (mind you I haven't even finished my beer).
Him:  Yah sounds good, let's go.

Game over.  Record time of 45 minutes.

Walk home…texting Anna and calling Hazel in Texas to just debrief.  I got home to this message from him:  "I'm sorry I was so lame. I'm usually not like that. I'mentally and physically fatigued, drained."  I just responded (which I shouldn't have even responded looking back) "no worries". 

Cut to me in DC.  Discussing this situation with Hillary & Sydney.  We kinda decided, maybe give him benefit of the doubt if he contacts me again.  I mean he's an ass, but maybe he was just off - who knows.  Saturday morning comes along…8 am…get a message from him.  Sydney and I were screeching a bit - she was like omg I bet he's just checking on you - kinda nice - let's open it.  I open it to find this gem…

"Hey, wanted to ask, did I look like my photos when u met me? Do I need to switch it up? Just curious…"

Soooo many emotions flew - Sydney and I were screaming and yelling and ranting and raving.  Who has the balls and audacity to send me that?!?!?!  I mean really?!  Did you really think that was a good idea??  Don't you have friends you can ask?!  What a D-BAG!!  Or as Anna calls him a "tinderk".

Over it!  

Done and done…on to the next…BTW I'm singing that Jay Z song in my head right now…

I’m on to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

Hold up, freeze

Somebody bring me back some money please…

**Photos from #Whatshouldwecallme and RealityTVGifs**

Bus Wars

Basically if you don’t take public transportation…mainly the bus…you may not sympathize with my situation.  The situation that is the full on bus etiquette war I'm in with another woman at my bus stop. 

So every form of public transportation has it's "rules" and things that people just know about and obey.  You get away with not knowing things maybe your first/second time around.  After that - no chance underpants.  Such things may include (but are not limited to):

• No speakers (ie cell phones, boom boxes, video games, etc.)
• Not sitting directly on top of another person (if and only if there are no other seats available)
• Elderly, disabled, pregnant people allll get first dibs on seats 
• When going on the escalator down to your train, you stand to the right and run to the left (might change depending on the city)

Now those are just a few…however my BIGGEST rule is how you get onto said transportation.  Now in NYC, at a bus stop, there is typically some sort of line.  The first person stands wherever and then everyone else that arrives stands behind them.  Now of course there are times where it's more of a "cluster", in these situations, you normally have an idea of who came when and everyone files in accordingly. 

There is this woman at my stop every morning and seriously - we're in a huge fight.  First let me explain her.  She looks like she has no idea where she is and doesn't know anything, but don't let that fool you - she knows exactly what she's doing!  She always is wearing a longer trench coat.  And my favorite part is her head gear.  I can't even describe.  She has one hat that kinda looks like this (yes it has fur, too):

However, most of the time she wears a scarf around her head, ties it under her chin, and puts a Yankees bucket hat on top.  What?!  Not necessary.  It doesn't even add warmth!!

Now the fights…every day she comes sweeping in on the corner and pretends to not see the 10 other people standing in line.  She cuts to the front EVER SINGLE TIME!!  So the first few times I let her get away with it, now my friend it's on.  Every day we're in a war/battle.  

I now can track the bus on my phone, so when it starts getting close, I position myself to be in front (not cut necessarily, just be in front to box her out).  This morning I shoved myself in front of her, however there was an older woman to my side with a cane, so I obvi let her go ahead of me, she was livid!  Mainly because I almost pushed her over.  

Another time I just pretended I didn't see her "merging" into the line, and I just stayed really close to the guy in front of me not letting her in, she was soooo pissed off.  My blood literally boils when I see her. 

She's not going to get me - not if I can help it!  I don’t even want her seat, I go to the back of the bus (she sits in the front), but it's just the principle of the thing! 

It's officially on biotch…it's on…game over for you and your stupid hat!

Dating Dress Code

Happy President’s Day!!  Hope you all had a great day and got to enjoy a 3-day weekend.  If you didn’t have off – sorry!!  And can I just mention for a second that this weather is absolutely insane!  I was eating outside on Friday night and it was snowing today – I can’t handle these extremes!!

Ok, so now for the real issue at hand.  I need some advice.  I have date on Wednesday night and the big question remains – what’s a girl to wear?!  We all know I’ve had issues in the past with wardrobe malfunctions on first dates – so I’d like to avoid that at all costs!  We are going to a chocolate/wine bar - so he's already scoring points - those are 2 of my fav things!  It has to be something I would wear to work, because I won’t have enough time to run home before I have to meet him.  So here are my thoughts.  Option 1 – a short black dress, zips up the back (so no buttons to deal with), black tights, and possibly my red pumps.  Option 2 – black wrap dress (and yes I'm aware of the dangers of a wrap dress), fun black tights and maybe black boots.  Obvi I think black is a good way to go – nice and slimming!  I just don’t know what way to go.  I need help!!  This is one down fall of not having a roommate – Sydney ALWAYS told me when I looked like an idiot and when I was date ready! 

So the decision is in your hands – HELP ME!!  And, as always, other thoughts/ideas are welcome!

Super Bowl XLV (Because We Can’t Just Say “Super Bowl 45”)

I do enjoy watching football and all, but I’d like to take some time to recap the most important parts of the big game. Besides being able to eat fun food - the singing, the commercials & halftime are really the most essential aspects of the game!

The Singing:
Oh Christina! I always have your back, girl, but tonight – what the heck happened!? I liked the sound of her voice – but maybe a few more lyric rehearsals were in order! She forgot half the song! Sad spice! However – Lea Michelle – you continue to impress! Beautiful voice and you did America proud – and you know how I feel about the good ‘ol U S of A! It’s just too bad she didn’t sing the Anthem – maybe next year!

The Commercials:

Among My Favorites:
• Brisk – the Eminem cartoon – amazing. I also have a weird obsession with Eminem and it brings back fond memories of college and going to see 8 Mile with my girlfriends. After the movie we left with our hoods up and played rap music on our drive back to campus with the windows down. A total badass group we were!
• Bridgestone – reply-all commercial – because we’ve all been there. Remind me to share my best “reply-all” story with you!
• Volkswagen – Darth Vader kid – it just made me laugh – I loved how he was just marching around in that costume - classic!
• E-Trade – that talking baby – never fails!
• Best Buy – Ozzy & Bieber – HILAR! I totally hearted that for some unknown reason!
• Chrysler – Detroit - one word “Eminem” – please refer to my love for him in the first bullet.

Worst/Wish I Could Get Back A Few Minutes Of My Life:
• Doritos – with the 2 guys and one wanted the others Doritos and so he licked his fingers and took his pants off– it made me uncomfortable.
• GoDaddy.com – the one when Joan Rivers is revealed to be the next “girl” – I just thought it was really weird!
• Android - broken robot thing – I hated everything about that! The creepy guys in the corner of the room, the “wrapping up” of its robot arm – I just really didn’t care for that one!
• Ford – New York City commercial. Not sure this was nation-wide or just local – but it was with the song “Empire State” in the background and trying to sell Ford cars while flashing “New York” across the screen – newsflash – NO ONE in NYC owns a car – and those that are rich enough to own a car – probably aren’t driving Fords. Pretty sure that was a waste of some serious cash!
• Sketchers – Kim K – I didn’t hate this by any means – I just feel like there was so my hype around it and it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I was just very indifferent to the whole thing. Just not one of my favs.

Halftime:
I felt like I was on a rollercoaster – I loved and then hated, up and down through the whole thing. Loved their entrance! One of my fave songs – maybe it will be a “good night”! However, they didn’t sound the greatest – Fergie’s mic was not working properly at first and she just didn’t sound that good. They sounded like they were just shouting, instead of signing. The glow people – still not sure how I feel about them, but owning one of those suites might be in order! And then came Slash – up from the floor – pretty much amazing! But then Fergie started signing – epic fail. He sounded great – her not so much. And then the group just continued to sing/shout. I don’t know if they couldn’t hear the music or what was going on – but it was just a big mess. Enter Usher – loved his flying in and all – but he sounded bad too – he was like whispering. Although – his dancing – never fails – he’s just so smooth! So then they were trying to spread the “love”. It was ok – but again with the shouting. And then the glow suits – were red glowing suits – unreal. Hated the hearts they formed. And then the “lampheads” took the stage! What is next?! Oh just your average “wave” of glow people. All in all – I give it a 5 out of 10. I just really wasn’t feeling it and I thought their vocals needed a lot of work! Effects were ok – but really not enough to carry the performance!


So that was my 2 cents. I would love to hear your take on the big game!! And by that I mean not your take on the actual game – I don’t really care about that! Ok – off to watch the best part – the Glee episode after the game!!