NUT CAP SHELL

So Spring has Sprung…apparently.  According to my allergies at least.  According to actual temperatures…not so much.  I'm hoping for a lil warm up soon!  A little update on my life…some positive, some not so much.  BUT I know I've been a lil MIA, so this should cover the past few weeks.  It's a lil "Pro Con Pro"…sorority style flashback.

+ I went to Chicago & Houston to see some very fabulous friends.
                

·       In Chicago we did a lil shopping, caught up with old friends, ate/drank (are you seeing a theme here?!), went to RPM (which we ordered just about everything on the menu and it was all amazing - despite not seeing G&B - it was a fabulous time), and we went out and pretended to be young again.  All in all - a fantastic trip.  Chicago is one of my fave cities - the people are great the food is great - so much good going on there!
·       In Houston I went to a rodeo, ate some amazing food, drank some amazing margs and   beers outside and yup - went to a Crawfish Boil.  It was pretty much one of the best weekends ever - further fueling my "maybe I SHOULD move to Texas and just succumb to the fact that I might belong there" theory. 

- I had to sit in a doctor's office waiting for an appointment and this was what I dealt with:

·       A guy bringing his dog in a little bag and pretending like no one is seeing it.  Did I mention this was a doctor's office?!  And the dog would bark and the guy would just like look around like nothing was going on - still pretending he wasn't trying to stealthily sneak a dog into his appointment.

·       The obnoxious woman next to me told the receptionist that she didn't have time to wait (like the rest of us are all just free birds with nothing else to do but wait for the doctor).  Then she was filling out a form for her and her husband and she looked at him and goes "what is your birthday".  Ummm what?!  This is your husband.  He was like - "you don't know?!".  To which she replied "I can't remember everything."  If that relationship isn't rock solid I don’t know what is.  Annnnd then she proceeded to call someone they were discussing a "whore monger"…she was a real peach.

·       Another woman decided that it was in the best interest of the whole waiting room to hear her play whatever ridiculously loud game she was playing on her phone.  Awesome.

+ My co-workers and I decided to organize a House Crawl this past weekend.  It was pretty much amazing.  We went to 3 different apartments, had shirts made, drank too much and just kinda fratted out a bit.  It was a really good bonding experience. 

+ My sister and I met Mindy Kaling.  Yup - that's right - got a picture and all.  We went to an event at Bliss that she was at and next thing we kenw we were lined up waiting to see her…and then all of a sudden we were in a photo booth with her.  My sister sat on her lap, we had 4 "poses"…one of which my sister gave her a noogie.  Sooo that happened.  She was as awesome and fun as you would think she'd be!

+ I did a massive Spring Cleaning - got rid of 4 bags of clothes (donated them of course) and just really cleaned things up!!

- I had to go through stuff I hadn't seen in years...including things I prob wish I never saw again.  I.e. cards from old boyfriends, things I thought I threw out, cards/notes from people I don't even know who they are…aka "Can't wait to see you when you get back.  Have fun with your family.  Love you!! John". Ummmmm I don’t or remember one person named John.  I have zero idea who it is and who sent me such love notes.  

+ Saw a few good plays, movies, TV shows…

·       Bullets Over Broadway with Zach Braff - really good!  It's a new show on Broadway and I definitely recommend it!

·       The Other Woman - my sister and I saw this the other night.  I wasn't expecting to like it as much as I did - honestly I laughed out loud in more m parts than not.  It wasn't like "best movie ever" - but it was exactly what I needed - a nice light rom-com.

·       If you aren't already watching these shows/watched these shows - you need to get on board stat - Southern Charm & Chrisley Knows Best.  Honestly - they are both so amazing.  I literally died over Christly Knows Best - I can't even handle that family. 

+ There's a new hot guy in my apartment building - on my floor - like 3 doors down from me. 

- I stood at the elevator with said gentleman the other day and iddn't know what to do - so we just stood there awkwardly in silence waiting.  Then we got in…I wiped the drool from my mouth …and I was so distracted I forgot to push the button to go to the bottom floor….so up we went to the top!  Then I casually/awkwardly/Lizzie-esque had this convo:
                       Me:  Soooo did you just move in?
                       Him:  Nope been here for about 6 months. How long have you been here?
                       Me:  Four years. (this is going swimmingly)
                       Him:  How do you like it?
                       Me:  It's good - nice and quiet. 
ANNNNND scene!  Not only was that one of the lamest things for me to say - we reached the ground floor and out he went…haven't seen him since.

There you have it people - a (I swear to God this is what I just said in my head as I was typing and went back to type this because it needs explanation) NUT CAP SHELL (I believe I was trying to say both "nut shell" and "recap").  Yup - I'm loosing my marbles!!  Be back soon…just gonna go try to find those quickly!

Images from:  #whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com

Happiest of V-Days!!

Happy Valentine's Day Betches!!  Haha - not sure why I said that - sounded better in my head.  Anywho…hope all your little hearts are filled with love!  I've gotten 5 valentine's today already …who's jealy?!  1 from my dad, one from each of my 3 nephews and 1 from CCK's lil girl!  I mean I don't really think it gets much better than that!  ANNND my day's not even over…so valentine's day = winning. 

In the last 24 hours, however, not all things have been "winning".  I've had a few mishaps along the way and a few things happen that I'd rather not and/or never thought would happen.  Let's discuss…

1.  We got more snow.  Now I know this isn't going to turn into a weather rant, but seriously - Pax you are a biotch.  Along with each of these lovely days, I've developed a routine of how I need to prepare for the elements.  Huge/puffy/long North Face coat (hood up of course), huge scarf, boots (preferably that come to my knee), mittens and earmuffs (that my cousin made for me from an animal of some sort that he hunted…Merry Christmas).  You can picture in your head how attractive and sex-pot-ish I look.   Line forms to the left boys!

2.  With said elements comes this gross disgusting slush.  It's a mixture of garbage, dirt, snow, sleet, rain and ice…beautiful.  And it's cold as a mo-fo…so if you step off that curb into it…usually you're about calf deep and people - it's miserable!  Yesterday, while waiting for the bus, some idiot thought it was fun to drive like a maniac and spray said sludge/water/grossness all over me…knee down…never been more angry.  

And then while walking to work this morning some guy kicked it and it got all over me…it actually hit the 3 inches of my legs that are not covered by some sort of winter gear…tights out lights out for me (did that make sense…again…sounded good in my head).

3.  I got a LinkedIn request from my former landlord in DC.  I immediately texted Sydney who was dying.  Like why me?  Why now?  Just why?!  We used to live in this garden style building, so there were only about 6 units.  He was a lunatic…spoke with an accent thought he was like this Latin lover.  His maintenance guy, Ricky, and him used to fight ALL THE TIME.  And Sydney and I would put the TV on mute and just listen…best arguments ever.  And my favorite one ended like this…screams screams screams (all in another language) then…landlord to Ricky "I luh you".  

What?!  If you all could have seen the looks on our faces...I can't even imagine.  This was amazing and the best thing I ever heard.  Lesson learned...as much as they fought they always had love for each other.  So yah people…we're now LinkedIn - I'm sure he's going to bring me a lot of professional growth.

4.  Is it weird that I kinda heart the trifecta that all go medals in last night's Men's Slopestyle?!  I mean I feel like their combined age might add up to someone I could legally date, but I'm kinda smitten.  They're just arorbs.  And they're pretty bad-ass…those jumps were no joke.  I literally was clenching my blanket  hoping no one would die.

Well I'm off to Boston for the weekend to visit my newbie nephew…couldn't be more excited!  I hope you all have a fabulous Valentine's Day filled with love, laughs & wine (obvi)!!  XOXO

Apparently I'm The Most Unorganized Organized Person

Ummm since when does it snow in mid-November and then go up to 60 degrees like 3 days later?!  What is going on lately?!?!?!?  Seriously - I can't handle it.  Everyone is getting sick, my migraines have been out of control, can we please just pick a temperature and somewhat stick to it?? 

Which brings me to my dilemma this morning.  I've been really trying to go to the gym before I go  into work, which, yes, is totally gross.  But my nights have been so nuts lately and that's always the first thing to go.  So I've been trying to get into a routine of 6:30 am wake up, on some sort of equipment by 7 am, showering by 8 am and work by 8:45 am at the latest.  It gives me time to do what I need to do and then on the weekends I can enjoy a spin class or Pilates.  I digress…this morning I walked out in cropped pants, sneakers, tank top, thankfully I put on a long sleeved shirt over my tank top and then my coat.  I walk out of my building and literally it's like monsooning out.  The wind is insane, it's raining and it's about 1 degree.  I was completely unprepared for the elements.  Which led me to thinking that since I've been doing this whole morning routine I have been unprepared in more ways then one.  My intentions of being all good and healthy and doing this in the morning are good, the outcome...not so much.  Every morning I look into my bag with this same expression:

I have either forgotten or brought the wrong thing…examples:

- No undies (had to go to the Gap when they opened to purchase a new pair)
- No bra (had to wear my gross sports bra until I could go to the Gap to buy a new one)
- A sweater that matched my outfit…only to find a huge hole in the armpit
- A skirt that totally fit last year…not so much this year
- Stockings…with a run
- Tights I thought were opaque tights but were really just sheer stockings (not a good look when you need tights)
- No moisturizer for my face (which sounds stupid, but I'm using things now that make my face basically feel like cracked clay without it)
- No commuting flats (so I had to rock the tights & sneakers look)
- No brush - which is just awesome
- A dress that is blatantly too short (shrunk in the wash and wasn't that short last time)

I know there is probably more, but this is all I can talk about at this point.  I've come to work more times than I'd like to think about dressed like a complete maniac.  Good thing no one really talks to me.  Womp womp.  Or maybe they just don’t talk to me because I either look like a crazy person or the office slore…either way...I need to get more thoroughly organized in this routine!!!

 

Racey AC

Soooooo let's break this lil night down. AC was a blast - it was Sydney's bday so things got a lil cray. Before I get into that though, I just wanted to discuss my Friday night situation. I wound up going to a comedy show last minute at Caroline's. And can we talk about how I basically peed my pants. I haven't laughed that hard in quite some time. There were three comedians…2 openers and then one guy headlined. They were all fantastic and so different and I loved them all. If you ever get a chance to see/hear any of these guys - Josh Rabinowitz & John Mulaney in particular - I highly recommend you do it. Absolutely hilarious.


Ok so onto the next one. I took the train to CCK and then we got to make the drive down to AC together. Great catching up time and so nice to have company on the journey!! We got to Revel. Ummm can we talk about this. It's amazing. Soooo clean (we all know how I feel about that), no smoking, very open/spacious, good restaurants, I could go on. The rooms were also fantastic, beds were comfy and the showers were phenom. We met up with the other girls, had a great lunch at Village Whiskey and started the celebrating! After lunch we got the lay of the land and then CCK and Bessie went home for the night. That's when things started to unravel. Me, Sydney, Hilary & Kit were left to our own devises! We shopped around a little bit and then we grabbed a drink at the bar (one of many). Eventually we made our way back to our room to get ready for the night. Don’t worry I tested the shower & the shower caps - both worked fabulously. After we all got fresh to death we headed to dinner.

Dinner was at Buddakan. It's basically Asian Fusion and it was absolutely amazing. We got a bunch of different things and shared it all. I was so content and pleased. We had a great time at dinner and just had a nice relaxing meal. I know there are a few throughout the country, so I highly recommend it if you have a chance. Then the fun started…our cab ride back was insane. The guy drove like 9000 miles an hour and "Mo Money Mo Problems" came on the radio…we asked to turn it up a lil bit…next thing it's blaring as we're careening down the street. We roll up to our hotel with it blasting and of course stares all around.

Our first stop for the night was a bit aggressive - Ivan Kane’s Royal Jelly Burlesque Nightclub. Now we thought there'd be tables/seats for us. We hadn't even fully digested - I was only on my first round of Tums. HOWEVER, once we got in, we were enamored and the music was just so good. So to paint a picture it's this darkish room and in the center/on the ceiling are basically runways for girls to walk around/dance/be weird/wear nude colored unitards.

It was nuts. There was also a guy who pretended he was Snoop Dogg (or should I say Snoop Lion) and I honestly think he really believed he was. The people watching was just beyond. After awhile, we were all having trouble standing due to feet/heels to high/issues. Right before we were getting ready to go a girl who was totally out of control came crashing down on my foot (with her heels) and then proceeded to spill her beer down my jeans…so that was basically final straw and a sign for us to leave (ps - my foot is basically purple from my toes to my ankle...I wasn't even trying to be dramatic!). With that Sydney literally threw her whole drink (glass and all) in the garbage and the signature move came out…her yelling "Lizzie" while swinging her arm in the air in a circular motion…round 'em up style if you will.

So we ran back to the room to all change into our flats. God we're so old. But you know what - best decision we made all day. Proper foot wear is always a must…as Sydney's mother so often tells me. Then we were off again and headed to the next bar, Social. This was our jam. There was a band playing, Garden State Radio Band - ummmm they were amazing. Like I want to see them daily kind of amazing. They were such a phenom cover band. They played everything from oldies to top hits and were soooo good. If you can see them - I'd do it. So basically I was in my glory dancing up a storm with Kit. I look over and this guy is just awkwardly sidling up to me and kinda dancing around me/with me/not really/I had no idea what was going on. Kit literally burst out laughing and says "I think your friend wants to talk to you". So after a few more awkward encounters I finally started the conversation and I kid you not this was how it went…

Me: Hi, I'm Lizzie.
Him: Oh right yah I'm Tom.
Awkward silence
Him: So do you come here often?
Me: Um not really, first time here, having fun, it's a great place (rambling to fill the silence).
Him: Sooo how old are you?
Me: I'm 32.
Him: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! (Mouth open widely, eyes like popping out of his head). NOOOOOOO WAAAAYYYYY. You DO NOT LOOK 32…I'd say 25 tops - and I'm not even trying to flatter you.

Me: (feeling ever so comfortable with my age) Ummm well that's quite the reaction, how old are you?

Him: I’m 23. Where do you live?
Me: NYC, you?
Him: In Little Ferry with my parents, but it's only like 20 minutes from the city.
Me: Yup, I know the town.
Him: Soooo I mean yah, sooooo like ummmm, like ummmm, what are you looking for?

Me: Excuse me?

Him: Like what are you looking for? I mean do you wannna….

Me: Well lets just stop right there. (thinking - am I being like propositioned?? Like am I a hooker?!) I think I'm gonna just go with my friends (and I grabbed Kit and walked away).

Like why is this the only guy that spoke to me the whole trip?! Sydney and I even made a pact that we were supposed to find brothers that we could marry and this was the fool that I attracted?? Anywho….we continued to dance and drink and sing and just have a fabulous time. After awhile we went out to the casino and gambled a bit. I threw down $20 on roulette and lost in about 2.2 seconds. The only game that I thought was profitable were the slots - Sydney and I played "Grease" and basically won big. We were sitting there and all of a sudden both our machines started going off, flashing, loud noises. We didn't even know what was going on. But I won $60 and she won $100 - amazing! We finally decided to call it a night, grabbed some food and went to bed. Don't worry - it was 4 am. The old hags made it till 4 am!!

The next day we slowly got ourselves together. I had to catch the bus. It was heinous. It's not so much the bus/the ride it's who sits next to you. Literally this guy getting on, I saw him in line and he looked like the biggest creeper ever. like ever. he walks onto the bus, takes a look around and of course decides to sit next to me. He then proceeds to basically come into my seat and grossly sleep - ewww I'm sceeved out just thinking about it. I hate the flashbacks.

Soooo there you have it. And then I got home…ordered food…watched the Oscars and became increasingly more depressed that it was Sunday night…my trip was over…and I had to work the next day!!

Happy Monday…I Mean Tuesday

Happy day back from a long weekend!! So gross!! First off - I need to wish a very special someone a happiest of birthdays!! Sydney's bday is today and I hope it's just fabulous!!


 We'll be celebrating this coming weekend in Atlantic City - so more on that to follow!!

I wound up having a great weekend! I had a last minute wedding invitation for Saturday - it was a co-worker, so no offense was taken that I got the invite on Monday! Basically another co-worker was getting married and there were 5 of us that went to the wedding - so much fun. I even got to see my little CCK in between the ceremony & the reception. Don’t worry we rolled in style - NBD we took a limo from NY to NJ. We had bevies in the car and it was just a really fun night. Some dancing, some drinking, some eating, a lil this a lil a that. This was my attire…and I got myself a blowout - which was fab.

Eliza J - sooo flattering - hard to see but there's rouching all along the sides that nicely hides what you don't want seen!

Bandolino - I needed a "pop" of color and these were comf and perfect



Aldo - this bag matched wierdly perfectly to my shoes...perfect tie in for the whole outfit



And some new makeup at Bobbi Brown - also fab!! I'm obsessed with these new things I got and I was obsessed with my makeup artist - there were no blemishes to be had on my face and she did such an unbelievable job. I told her to "make it look like I did it but better". Here are the new products I purchased:

Long-Wear Even Finish Compact Foundation - loving this style of foundation and it truly lasts all day

Lip Balm - it's amazing and leaves your lips soft and the best pink shade

Illuminating Bronzing Powder - it really highlights and brightens your face

After the reception we rolled on back to NYC and proceeded to go to another bar - because that was necessary. It's not like I was just singing Public Enemy in the limo home and making a fool out of myself - I def needed more drinks apparently. While in this bar I proceeded to walk up to a stranger …at a table…I repeat a stranger…with coworkers looking on and pull his hood over his head. I'm sorry what is wrong with me?! All I could think about was that part in Austin Powers where they're on Jerry Springer and Dr. Evil runs around the stage yelling "I got your hood. I got your hood.".  I thought I was simply hilarious. Thankfully his friends did too - no harm no foul?! What is my life??

Sunday was a total wash - I literally didn't get off the couch/leave my apartment. It was simply glorious. Sometimes you just really need days like that. I also was able to watch all things Beyonce and my love for her has grown even more than I thought it would. I saw her new documentary and her interview with Oprah. I mean - I just love her.

She's so real and awesome and beautiful and and and! I could go on. And don’t get me started on Blue Ivy - I mean could she be more precious/is a carbon copy of Jay-Z.

Yesterday was also a great day - I got to go see my bestie and her 2 little ones. They're so adorbz - I just love them to pieces! We had a great time playing and catching up!

And now I'm here - back at work - going to the gym after work - all things gross. Annnd people are driving me bananas. 

Buuuut silver lining - it's Tuesday, which means it's almost Wednesday, which means we're half way through!!

Some Housekeeping Items

Ok so a few quick things that need to be discussed…

1.  I saw  "Pitch Perfect" and I'm completely obsessed.  Here are some takeaways:

- I want to marry the lead actor/character - his name is Skylar Astin.  

I've never really seen him before this, apparently he had a cameo on "Girls" (HBO).  Umm it's not normal how obsessed I am with him - I'm like a love struck teen.  And it's not even like he's the hottest thing around - his personality in this movie is just perfect.

- I love Rebel Wilson.  

She is a comedic genius and is really going places.  I think she's completely hilar and I want to be her friend.

- I awkwardly admitted afterwards that I wanted to watch it again and write down all the songs they performed so I can go buy the ones I don’t have.  It was like a blast from the past that I thoroughly enjoyed.

- I can't wait to see this again.  I need to watch a second time to capture things that I missed while I was laughing.

- Why are you still reading this and not running to your theatre to see it?!

2.  Is it weird that I didn't watch the debates last night (expect 10 minutes) and instead thought that "Giuliana & Bill" would be more important?!  I’m kinda over all this political stuff - I just want November to be here so I don’t have to deal anymore!  I mean you all know I'm overly obsessed with America - but all this back and forth and lying/not lying craziness is driving me nuts!

3.  My sister is getting married next weekend!!  AHHHHH!!! I can't believe it's almost here!!  I have a backless dress (I know major scandy) and I'm thinking of wearing my hair like so…how do we feel about it??

4.  I had another annoying "people don’t understand special issues" the other day.  I was on the bus and there were open seats everywhere.  I sat down on the end seat, so there were 2 seats to my right.  This woman gets on and sits directly next to me.  And then puts her bag on the seat next to her.  

Umm really?!  Why are you on top of me?!?!  I was like heavy breathing mad.

5.  The Real Housewives reunions were hella nuts!  NJ and NY are two of my faves and both just wrapped this past week.  I don’t even know where to go!  All I can say is - omg Joe Gorga was a stripper - dying.  Teresa needs to check herself.  Ramona is still Ramona.  I love Heather.  Jacqueline needs to stay awake.  I wish Kathy didn't get a nose job - she didn't need it!  Caroline - preach is sista.  Andy - you are a saint. 

Ok so that's all for now.  One more thing - I'm back on the exercise circuit.  Don’t worry the desk person at the gym gave me a "judgy" look when I checked in yesterday.  You don’t know my life - stand back!

Oh Ron...Do Go ON!!

Hello friends!  Happy gross Tuesday!  It's raining and not pleasant here - so hopefully it's a lil nicer where you are.  How were all the weekends?  Mine was pretty solid!  I'll recap for you.

Well my bday was on Friday, so there's that.  I woke up, got out of bed and said - make this a good day!  I didn't feel like doing anything, but I was trying to pump myself up.  So I took extra time doing my hair & makeup, put on new outfit, and embraced the day.  I left my apartment and it was kinda misting out, but not too bad.  I literally didn't even make it up the block and the skies opened up - TORENTIAL down pour.  I was like a drowned rat. 

I had an umbrella but it didn't do a thing with the sideways rain that was going on.  I finally got to work and I was basically wearing no shirt because I had on a white button down.  So it was like I was just wearing a skirt and my bra.  One of the "head guys" at work who's about 78 years old was like "umm do you want a shirt, I have an extra in my closet".  Totally sweet, but I just stomped passed and mumbled "I'll be in my office wringing myself out - see you in an hour".  And then my secretary scurried in and gave me her desk fan which she set up for me so it would blow in my face and try to dry me off.  Oh and did I mention that my hari was a rats nest and I had makeup streaming down my face?!  Oh I didn't - well that happened!  And don’t worry I'm still using bronzer to pretend I'm still tan from the summer - so my face was basically half brown/half white and I had mascara dripping down.  So that's how the day started - awesome.  The rest of the actual day didn't improve by much.  And all my friends here weren't going to be here that night, so I planned on just going home and wallowing. 

So I left work, went and got a mani/pedi - trying to salvage the day.  After that a girl I work with (who was supposed to be going out of town) texted me and told me to meet them at this bar because she was going to stay in the city after all.  So I was back and forth and then forced myself out.  And I'm glad I did - it wound up being a great night!  Just a few work peeps and a lot of alcohol.  We went to a few different bars and things were getting a lil cray.  We randomly met these 2 men from Haiti who were amazing.  They were older and talking to us for awhile.  Oh this was after some other man spilled his glass of red wine down my leather bag (that I got in Barcelona) and I almost lost it/burst into tears.  Anywho…the one guy, Ron, was quite a character.  At one point I was standing with my work crush (oh don’t worry he was there all night buying me drinks and having fun) and this was our exchange with Ron:

Ron:  Are you 2 brohter and sister??

Us:  (giggling/shocked because we look nothing alike) umm no!

Ron:  Well good because you 2 need to date!

Us:  (laughing awkwardly, giggling, me looking at the floor/turning purple, etc.) 

So basically we're married now - at least according to Ron.  Soooo after that we wound up at this dive bar. Really fun - and this is when things start to get hazy.  I know I invited myself to a co-workers wedding (awesome) and I know I took myself home around 2 am.  I also know that I changed my shoes on the sidewalk. I also know that I woke up on my couch in a t-shirt and undies around 6 am with the TV & lights on with Whole Foods mashed potatoes in front of me.  So choose your own adventure as to how my night ended. 

Then Saturday morning came and I felt atrocious.  I was heading to West Chester, PA to see some of the girls.  I made a miraculous recovery though by the time I got there and it was all good.  I was able to power through and have another fab night!  We went to a great dinner, caught up, and went out to few fun bars.  All of us pretending we still "have it"!!

All in all it was a great weekend - despite it being my birthday!  Happy work week - we're almost there!! 

Who Said It's My Birthday?!

So in trying to keep up with my promise...here's today's post about me not wanting my birthday to arrive.  Tomorrow is my birthday - bleh. 

I'm going to be Double Sweet Sixteen.  I'm normally not the girl that gets totally hyped about birthdays - but generally I'll do a lil something.  But this year - nothing.  It's going to rain tomorrow and I'm already just not excited.  There's no one around to go grab drinks.  SO next week I'm going to do a lil joint thing, but as for tomorrow - maybe a lil mani/pedi action is in store.  Maybe some takeout and a movie - I don't know - sky's the limit I suppose.  I'll check in tomorrow and let you know my status.  AKA if I haven't left my house and I'm in my PJ's with my head in the freezer searching for ice-cream.  Not trying to be all Debbie Downer but to sum it up...



The Night Dana Carvey Wouldn't Leave Me Alone/I Heart Austin

Ok - "surrrry folks - parks closed - moose outside shoulda told ya!"  And if you don't get that reference I sorta feel sorry for you.  

Anywho - sorry for the delay - I had some brother's wedding things to tend to last week!  Their big day is coming up in 2 months!!  Wahhoooo!!  But I digress…now back to my story!

Thursday Night

Hazel had a work happy hour that she had to attend/run/organize/be everything for.  So I joined her - never one to turn down free food/drinks and it was another gorg night!  Basically after a little while, I was being more awkward then I've ever been.  No one really wanted to talk to me and one gentleman actually said "you look like a lost soul".   So that was my cue to exit and just sit myself at the bar and watch basketball until she wrapped up!  So I headed to the outdoor bar, got a seat and was answering emails, watching the game, entertaining myself.  Next to me was this guy - I swear to God was  Dana Carvey look-alike.  He even talked like him - that voice he does in the "isn't that special" skit.  

Oh and he was a office furniture salesman.  Dying.  Well he took a liking to me and would.not.stop talking!  He was about 50+ and I really had no interest.  He kept telling me how pretty I was, asking about dating in NYC, said he'd like to come visit.  Oh that's right folks - he was looking for an invite to come visit - what?!?!  My favorite line was when he looked at me through his spectacles and said "you have really pretty eyes. Everyone tells me that too.  We have like the same eyes.  Let me look closer (leans in) - yup they're the same."  What is going on?!  I wanted to crawl under the bar stool and cry.  This was the best TX had to offer me?!  I'm sorry - he was a nice man, just came on a little thick and I clearly wasn't into it.  I was very polite and kind though, I wasn't rude.  Eventually he left - sigh of relief all the way around!

Hazel finished up and had invited her brother and his wife to join us for a few drinks.  It was great to meet them - totally love!  We hung out for awhile - it was just so nice out we didn't want to leave!  We had a great time!!

Friday

Austin day!!!  Yippeeeee I get to see Hermione!  I got up and Hazel had to go to the office for a few hours.  So I went to breakfast at this place - Twin Sisters.  It was great - a nice leisurely morning!  Then I headed back to meet Hazel and got ready for our trip to Austin. 

We left and grabbed lunch on the way - prob the most amazing place I've ever been to.  We had BBQ at Rudy's that was the best I've had in my life.  

It's served on paper - that's right - just paper.  And we had some sides which were even more amazing.  The clientele was straight up Texas - I loved every second of it! 

We got up to Austin and headed right to Hermione's apartment.  After our initial yelling/squealing with excitement over seeing each other we all get ready for dinner.  First we had a drink at this great Mexican place then we headed to Lamberts - again - amazing.  I think I prob gained like 10 pounds on this trip! After that we went out to a few bars - so much fun!  Some of the best people watching I've ever seen!! 

Saturday morning Hermione had to head out of town - wahhh - but Hazel and I got to stay at her apt!  We went to breakfast at this place - soooo hometowny I loved it.  I had "migas" - yah that's right I know the lingo.  For those of you NOT in the know - it's like eggs & tortillas.  They were superb!  Only in TX do you get chips & salsa with your breakfast - it was fabulous.  Then Hazel took me on a tour of campus and downtown Austin!  I hit up the bookstore - saw a few key places.  After that we went for a walk around the lake - again - weather was amazing! 

The afternoon was spent a great bar - sitting outside - enjoying some beer!  We watched the basketball games, a few of her friends stopped by, nice and relaxing!  We also went to this area of Austin - Rainey Street.  Basically this guy just bought up some old houses and converted them into bars - it's the coolest little section.  We went to Clive - it was fabulous!  Here are some pics:

We didn't stay out too late - I had to get up at 4:30 AM for my flight, which was not the most fun - BUT no biggie! 

Sunday

Sunday came wayyyy to quickly.  I was so sad to leave Hazel!  I had such a good trip and it was fun to see a new city.  I'm pretty much obsessed with Austin and would love to go back soon!  It's such an amazing city!  It's never fun to come back from vacay - but it was good to be home in my apartment and back into a routine!

Ummm...No Thank You

So let's discuss what happened to me today.  I went to this place called Dishes for my salad at lunch.  It's a great place if you live in NYC - salads are fab and the food is always fresh/good.  I got my salad, went to pay, asked for an iced tea.  They told me to pick it up on the other side of the counter.  It was jam packed.  So I walked over, was waiting and being awkward (shocking) as others tried to get around me. Finally it came I had to reach to get it and the guy behind me kindly helped a sister out.  I thought - well that was nice and proceeded to walk outside.  Next thing I know he's standing next to me at the cross walk and begins to ask me like 20 questions (what do you do, what are you eating for lunch, how do you like your job, etc.).  I was trying to be nice and friendly - but I really wasn't in the mood.  Eventually the light turned and we had to walk across the street together.  Again I was being nice and praying that we didn't have to continue this for the next like 4 blocks.  So I started going left and I could see he thought about following suit, but then was going right and yelled out "can I buy you a drink sometime" - I politely replied - "no thank you" head down and walked the other way. 

SOOOO here's the thing.  1. I'm incredibly awkward when it comes to situations like this.  2.  The whole way back to my office I thought - did I really do the right thing??  3.  Beggars can't be choosers HOWEVER I feel like I also thought it was pretty bizarre.  4.  I was reassured by 2 friends that I did in fact make the right decision considering he looked to be 40+ years old, had an accent I couldn't understand and I swear to GOD resembled Larry from the 3 Stooges.

So I'll leave you with that image.  Thank you and Good Night!  XOXO

So This Is Where My Life Has Been

Ok so first off - I'M SO SORRY!!  I know I sound like a broken record - but seriously - things have been crazzzy.  Some I can discuss, some I'd rather not - maybe they'll come up at a later date in time - but for now - I'm gonna keep 'em to myself!  That's what I'm best at - bottle it up and then you'll all get the brunt of it when it boils on over!  Anywho sooo instead of a long dramatic post, I figured I'd list out some of the situations I've encountered in the past week/week & a half. 

1.  Last Thursday I passed a man on the street in full out jeans overalls.  He was not a small man.  He was pacing up and down the sidewalk on his cell phone.  He was SCREAMING obscenities (including, but not limited to, "I will kill you", "I hate your f'ing guts", "I will come to your apartment, grab you by the neck, and knock all your teeth in").  Oh btw - it was 8 am.  Good morning NYC!

2.  I've been going to a new place to get my salads at lunch time.  The first encounter with said place went something like this:
Salad Lady:  Do you want it chopped?
Me:  No thank you - just break up the avocado & goat cheese.
Salad Lady:  Ok.  (proceeds to chop the whole thing)
Me:  Wait (she stops)- no just the avocado & goat cheese.
Salad Lady:  Ok.  (proceeds to chop the whole thing)
Other Salad Lady that works there:  No - she doesn't want it chopped.
Salad Lady:  Ok.  (proceeds to chop the whole thing)
This went on for about 3 more times - I was basically in tears - finally she just threw it in my bowl and wanna know the 2 things that were not "chopped" when I got to my desk - in the WHOLE salad - the GD avocado & goat cheese!  I took one bite at it was solely goat cheese. 

3.  My cousin wanted to set me up with her tennis pro.  So I went out to their NJ house for a night and she arranged for a Saturday lesson.  Let me break this down, I knew what she was doing but this dude DID NOT.  Oh and also - it was a semi-private lesson - so it was her and & I with this kid.  Let's just say that he barely talks and was so beyond shy.  I was trying to be nice, but all he did was tell me I was doing everything wrong and praising my cousin.  OH and did I mention that I haven't played in 3 years, so the fact that I even HIT the ball was amazing to me!  Let's just say there is no Wimbledon vacay in our future.

4.  I bought this Pilates package on Rue La La.  I tried to sign up for my first session the other day and the woman informed me that since I had never done the machines before, it'd prob be best to do a private 1 hour lesson first.   So that's fine, I made my arrangements and she even gave me a discount.  Well I had my private session the other day.  It was with the owner of the studio.  Oh and let me back track, I'd never been here before, but I knew it was going to be fabulous when I saw the décor and this gem in the changing room:

So obviously I knew I was in good hands.  I went upstairs to the "studio area" to wait for my instructor. Then he approached me…this is a brief description:
            -He's about 70
            -He has a huge belly - skinny - but just with a huge belly
            -Skin of leather
            -A few long finger nails
            -Spoke in the thickest NY accent I have ever heard
Oh and I should mention that his name was "Sal".  He opened his mouth and I could barely understand half of what he said to me the entire time.  There was a lot of "looking into his eyes", which obvs made me giggle/was uncomfortable.  He told me that everything I was doing in terms of other exercise was wrong and I needed to learn my body's "movement".  He also made me watch him doing some sort of kick and I was trying to divert my eyes from where he wanted me to watch - lets just say Sal's sweatpants were a little tight!  I mean we hugged it out at the end, I have no clue what happened during that hour, but I do know that I have 10 more sessions and I'm going back today.  So there's that.

5.  I got a massage on Saturday - I'm still sore.  It was an Extreme Sports Deep Tissue Massage - again - I'm still sore today.  But she used this like heat solution that went on my back with a paintbrush.  I felt like I was on fire and I prob have 3^rd degree burns on my back (because clearly I can't see back there), but I was basically in tears when it was over because it just "hurt so good". 

6.  I saw "Friends with Kids" over the weekend - highly recommend it - it's pretty funny. 

7.  I watched a few episodes of "I Just Want My Pants Back" on MTV.  It's actually pretty funny.  But I keep thinking of this one line where a girl describes her arms as "a baby's thigh" and I can't handle it.  ALL day I looked down and thought just that.

8.  I'll leave you with this…I woke up singing "Chantilly Lace" this morning and I can't get it out of my head.  Why you may ask - I have NO CLUE!!

Ok - so this week - prom prom I'll be better - I have a few things I'd like to discuss, so we're off to a good start!!  XOXO