First things first…I ran into Vince Vaughn today on my way to work and I think we're most likely soul mates. I mean we made eye contact and as far as I'm concerned - it was love at first sight. SO I won't forget you little people on my way to the top of stardom with Vincey- pants. Haha - which reminds me of when Hazel was "courting" this young chap named Lance and kept calling him "Lancey-pants" in her southern drawl - and to his face - that's the only name she'd call him - amazing. I digress…so Vince Vaughn and I are going to get married - I'm not caring too much about his current wife - I mean if you could have seen our connection - you'd totally understand.
So getting back to things that are bananas I have 3 separate instances over the past few days - don’t even know what is going on in my life!
Volunteering Gone Awry
So I volunteered on Sunday to help clean up Sandy's mess. I met up with a group of girls in my alumni chapter sorority group and we were going to join this organization that needed volunteers. Well I left my house at like 8 am on Sunday to head to Brooklyn - finally got there and got on line. There were a few other girls with my group, no one I knew, but they were friendly. Well this organization was the most DISORANGIZED situation ever. We basically waiting for almost 3 hours to be all put into random cars, separated, and brought out to a specific "site". I was next in line, the organizer said she needed 2 people so I forced this other girl to come with me - sorry I'm not sorry. We walked over to find our "driver". Oh I should mention that basically there's a line for drivers with cars and a line for volunteers. You just get paired up, given an address and you drive out with these random people about an hour away. So we walk over and there are these 2 dudes - one with long gross pony tail hair, one of those earrings that you can see through the ear, cargo pants and a t-shirt. The other was a lil guy with glasses, earrings and skinny jeans. What's going on?! Neither really spoke English - they were Russian. So obviously we get in their car like it's totally normal. This girl and I barely know each other and we're just like clinging to one another in the back of this dude's car. Then he proceeds to make 2 stops, one at 7-11 and one to pick up his "friend" who was equally gross and scary. He sat in the back seat with us, actually shoved in with us, politely offered us a "bite" of his gross food - and a literal bite he had like an empanada. Oh and did I mention that blaring the whole time was Russian rap/punk music??
Yup - this is my life. So we had about a 45 minute drive to the Far Rockaway. Let me tell you - I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to see. It was completely devastating. I literally was just in tears when we crossed over to the beach area. I mean there were boats tossed in the middle of the street, concrete lamp posts ripped out, no boardwalk, homes completely ripped apart and destroyed and people just wandering around trying to make sense of it all. At that point all the other BS in my life kind of dissipated. It was just nuts. However I was disappointed in the lack of organization in this place. We walked in and basically spent a 1/2 hour just trying to find someone to tell us where/what we needed to do/go. Finally we just started sorting clothing and bags and helping families find things that they needed. We were basically in a donation area where families could come and pick up their necessities - food, clothes, cleaning supplies, etc. So I did this for a few hours, not exactly what I had in mind - I really wanted to do more manual labor - but it's what they needed, so whatever I could do to help. And then it took us 3 hours to get home because those D-Bags LEFT US!!!
They left us stranded in Far Rockaway - which is QUEEENS for those of you that don't know! So we had to take like 3 buses to the subway and then switch lines because nothing out there is even running yet. It was maddening. Like thanks for your volunteer efforts and being jerks!!
Cable Companies Can Suck It
So basically my cable bill for the past months has been totally insane. I mean all I have is basic cable (no DVR - gasp!), internet and I add on HBO for like $10. My bill is…brace yourself…over $150!!! That is bananas to me! Soooo I got ballsy and called yesterday and was like you need to do something - I'm a good customer - yada yada. Oh and I should mention that I hate cable companies. Sydney actually refers to my interactions with them as a verb. For example if I need to get angry about something she'll say "just go Comcast on their ass". So I'm on the phone with this lil twit and I was being all nice and explain that things are just a lil too pricey and is there anything they could do. Her response, I kid you not was…"I can give you Showtime for 6 months for $5".
Ummm I'm sorry what?! I just told you I needed to save money and your response was to add on another $5?? So I explained it again and she goes "I mean yah normally it's $10/month - so you'd save $5". Ok now my blood is starting to rise/boil. This girl is beyond. Oh and I should mention that she keeps having to put me on hold to devise these gems. So I ever so calmly tried to explain again my mission. Finally after about 20 minutes of this conversation she says, well the only thing I could do would be give you internet for free for 6 mo, so you'd knock off like $60 from your bill. Ding Ding Ding!! Now if we'd just said this from the beginning we'd be all set!!
Pat Was My Cab Driver
Last night after my book club I got in a cab to go home. It started out normal, it was dark, so I really couldn't see the person driving. The he/she started talking to me in this weird "Pat-like" voice. Now I hope you all know what I'm referring to - it's an old SNL skit with this person named "Pat" and no one knows if it's a male or female.
So at first it was normal like oh what do you do chit chat - fine. Then it starts asking if I'm married, have a boyfriend, am dating. So I'm obliging - getting slightly uncomfortable as to where this is heading. Then was our exchange:
Pat: Did you see Argo?
Me: Yah that was a great movie!
Pat: Yahh….now THERE'S A REAL MAN! SEXY TAKE CHARGE. THAT'S A REAL MAN. WHERE THE HELL ARE THE REAL MEN ANYMORE THERE ARE NONE - NOW THEIR ALL PUSSIES.
Me: awkwardly shifting in my seat and trying to see what streets where on and how much further I had to go.
Pat was on a tear! She was yelling and screaming about real men and it was insane! Finally we approached my building and I was able to ricochet myself out of the cab. Really not knowing what just happened!
Sooo there you have it. Just a lil crazy to get you through the rest of the week!! Stay warm Dolls - it's getting cold!! XOXO
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