Thursday, June 30, 2011

JUST SAY THANK YOU AND WALK AWAY!

By now you are all aware that I have a short list of blogs that I follow religiously. One of them, of course, is "Hay Girl Hay". I totally heart this blog and sometimes I feel like this girl is just speaking my mind! It's really bizaro! Anyways - the other day this was one of her post and in a few words I thought "why do you have my life?!" This is what the post said:

Just say thank you
When someone says something nice to me, it’s like I have a syndrome that causes me to negate what they just said by pointing out some flaw.
               Cute shirt? Oh thanks, I like it because it’s loose and doesn’t cling to my food baby.
               Your hair looks great? That’s weird, I didn’t wash it today.
               I love your jeans? They’re five years old with a hole in the crotch.
What is that? These things fly out of my mouth and I can’t help it, but I’d like to.
Learn to take a compliment, idiot.


Sooo basically this is me to a T! I catch myself doing it all the time and it's something that I consistently "struggle" with. Like I have to in my head say "STOP LIZZIE - JUST SAY THANK YOU AND WALK AWAY!" You can imagine my surprise when I realized that others have the same "disorder" that I do! These are actual/daily conversations that I have with people and this is the look I get all too often:


Person: Oh I love that skirt - so cute!
Me: Thanks - it was like a dollar on sale - so cheap - I mean I paid nothing….
Aftermath: Why did I have to explain the monetary value of this skirt?! Why did I feel a need to justify that I paid for clothing?! I sometimes feel like because I wear certain clothes people think that I'm some "rich bitch" - but hten I have to remind myself that: a) most likely that isn't their "angle" and b) I can barely pay my rent and c) most of my clothes ARE on sale from Banana or J Crew - I know - I'm wild and d) the other portion of my clothes are gifts - from my parents - there you have it!

Person: You look pretty today.
Me: Really I feel like train wreck! I got no sleep - I'm so heinous - please don’t look at me!
Aftermath: Again - simply say thank you! Just take it and go with it. Why do I have to convince people that I don't look pretty?! What is wrong with me?!

Person: Great job on that presentation!
Me: Ugh - I felt so unprepared like I put it together in AN second! I hope I didn't embarrass anyone by how awful I was! Thank God it was just for you guys!
Aftermath: Well basically just give me my pink slip now! Why can't the words "thank you" formulate in my vocabulary. It's like the verbal diarrhea of how to get yourself fired and make everyone re-think their original "great job" thoughts!

I mean those are just a few examples of my daily struggles. Ohhh the trials and tribulations of being me! Sometimes people walk away from me and prob think I'm a complete and total insecure lunatic. Which I'm not necessarily saying I'm not - I just think I portray more of it than I'd like to. It's def on my list of "things I need to work on"! I have to repeat it over and over again in my head - like a mantra - JUST SAY THANK YOU AND WALK AWAY!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Oh How The Pendulum Swings!

Hey guys! Last night I had to the opportunity to see The Addams Family on Broadway! While it might not have been the BEST play I've ever seen, it was certainly entertaining. Let me also fill you in on the true highlight of my evening.

As we were walking over to the theatre, Times Square was a MADHOUSE!! I, as a general rule, steer clear of Times Square. I absolutely hate it. There are so many people and they are all tourists just wandering. Which is totally fine - obvi we've all been "tourists" - but when I'm just trying to get where I'm going - it's maddening!

This is what I'd like to "say" to everyone in my way...
Anywho - this was actually worse than most nights - utterly insane. Clearly something was going on. As I was elbowing and cursing my way through the crowd being ever so annoyed, I looked up and low and behold - there was Josh Duhamel & Patrick Dempsey. Apparently they were doing some Transformers premiere appearance. I guess Shia LeBeouf was there, too - but I missed him.


I did however get to see the other two and they did not disappoint. Basically this was me:

Me pushing through crowd: "I HATE ALL THESE TOURISTS - JUST GO HOME!!"
Me looking up and seeing the beauty: "WAIT - EVERYONE STOP - THERE IS JOSH DUHAMEL & MCDREAMY - I LOVE TIMES SQUARE!!"

So you can see how my pendulum swung! I mean seeing those 2 can really change a lot for a girl!

After I was peeled away from that beauty that I saw, I headed to the theatre. It was Brooke Shields opening night - so I was really anxious to see how she would do. I thought that the cast did a good job - Pugsly's character had a strange singing voice and the plot was a little drawn out. But Brooke did a fab job playing Morticia

Roger Rees was also hilar as Gomez. The Grandmother - hysterical - might have been my fave character.   All in all - I'd say if you're looking for something funny and cute - it's a good show. Something Tony award winning and thought provoking - not for you! But I'm glad I went - it has been on my "list"!

Happy Wednesday everyone - we're almost there - just a few more days - we can do this!!!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Royal Jealousy

I know we've all cured our case of "Royal Fever", but I have something worth noting. The Duchess of Cambridge (AKA Princess Catherine, AKA Kate Middleton, AKA HRH Catherine Middleton, etc.) is nailing every outfit she has been seen in since her wedding. Every time I see a picture of her, my jealousy level grows 10 fold.


Not only is she stunning, natural, and flawless, her wardrobe is spot on! And most of it isn't even that "expensive" in comparison to what a "princess" would spend. I simply heart her! Slash want to be her. Slash wish I was her. Slash I should stop talking.


I know she's been "well dressed" for awhile now, but after her recent little jaunt to Wimbledon it couldn't go un-blogged about any longer! She's perfection! I put a few of my faves below - let me know if I've missed any!




Wimbledon Dress - Already sold out!





And I should also put a plug in for Pippa - who I also heart. She is right there beside her in the "best dressed" category!








Add caption
She even looks good running!


Those are some good genes!

And now I'm depressed and praying that I'll wake up tomorrow looking more like the Middletons! 

Thursday, June 23, 2011

"I want it NOW!!"

Hey guys! So it's occurred to me today that I'm in serious need of a vacay. Not just a weekend away where half the time is spent traveling/running around. I'm talking minimum 4 full days on a beach where its just me and a good book/gossip magazine. I want to get burnt to a crisp, eat snacks and wear a sweatshirt.
My hands down absolute favorite time on ANY beach is around 5 pm. When it starts cooling off and everyone starts leaving. That's when my "fun" begins. I throw on the 'ol hoody and just sit back and enjoy. No kids running around, no moms yelling, no dads smoking cigars, just me and the ocean (and maybe a few other peeps that are on my page). That right there is what I'm yearning for at this very minute. I can't stand it any longer - I don’t know if I'll survive another day at work - need it now - kinda feeling.

I feel like it's not too much to ask for. I'm not talking a 10 day escapade. I mean really people! I hate when I get to this point because now I'm at the point of no return. Everyday is just "getting through" and I just need a beach more than life itself.

So if someone could just bring that beach to my apt in NYC - that would be greatly appreciated. Until then I'll be sulking in my office, pale as all getup and just plain 'ol being angry. And I may or may not be pouting.

P.S. Sorry for the Thursday afternoon rant!  AKA Veruca Salt style!


Monday, June 20, 2011

"It's the Freakin' Weekend..."

I just had a fabulous weekend! Hope you all had the same. Got to spend the day with my Dad yesterday - it was a great Father's Day! Friday was very low key - and by that I mean I cleaned my apartment, ate a burger for dinner and watched Dateline - I know - I'm wild!! But it was perfect because I needed to save up and conserve my energy for what a day Saturday would be!!

I started my day by meeting Chase at 9:15 AM - I repeat 9:15 AM - for a 9:30 AM spin class. I know - we're slightly insane. But it's this newer place called FlyWheel and they only have spin classes. It's a lil $$ than I'd normally spend on degrading myself - but we thought it would be fun to try it out. let me tell you - it did not disappoint. This instructor was insane crazy good. I was more than impressed. Not gonna lie - I was a lil scared to even do it - but I figured I'd give it a shot. We got in - got on our bikes - then all of a sudden - it got sooo dark and things started moving. The music was fantastic and the instructor was the perfect balance of yelling/ motivating but not making me want to cry. It was so hard - but a good hard. At one point she yelled "you're RPM's should NOT be below 90!!"


Pretty sure I was struggling at keeping it around 70 - cray cray! I walked out - sweated through 2 shirts and a sports bra - could hardly move - drank 3 bottles of water during/right after - best way to start my Saturday morning! We felt soooo good! After that we were completely justified in going to Citarella and getting a bunch of snacks/ lunch and taking it to Central Park for an afternoon of sun and people watching! I simply love the park. No other way to put it. We found a great spot and laid out for a few hours - it was perfection! The sights you see there - aka a guy who was laying out in his underpants?!

Really - you don't own AN pair of shorts that you could wear?! After that we headed home to get ready for a fun filled night!

We met up with my friend Scarlett and a few of Chase's co-workers. First up - Beekman Beer Garden Beach Club. It was kinda eclectic. I thought it was going to be more "fratty", but it wound up being more "clubby". But the food was pretty good and the beer was great. We also got to sit outside and enjoy an amazing view of Brooklyn and the water. Definitely worth checking out!

After that Scarlett, Chase & I started a night of ridiculousness. We headed over to Automatic Slims - this place is unreal. It's about the size of bedroom and it gets PACKED. We were able to get in before the rush and got seats at the bar. All of a sudden it was like wall to wall people and the music was soo good - 80s/90s/oldies. Everyone was having fun. At one point this guy came over and was just lurking around behind us. So strange. This was our convo:

Me: Can I help you with something?
Him: staring
Me: Umm what's going on?
Him: Do you live here?
Me: Yes I do - do you?
Him: SPAIN
Me: What?!
Him: SPAIN
Chase: Do you live in Spain?
Him: SPAIN

Amazing - it was such a productive conversation. And then he took a real liking to Chase and was pretty much a permanent fixture until we left. After a while there - we were ready for some dancing. We stopped in at Barrow Street Ale House for a quick drink and then headed to The Anchor. That is where we really were able to display our stellar dance moves. I mean - we should all have been entered in a contest - that's how good they were. Especially since the average age of people in there was 24 - we were def more experienced. At one point I looked over and Chase was doing the robot while Scarlett was jumping up and down doing some sort of running man-esque moves. Best! Then we were in search of trying to meet up with Juan. He was at Essex & Beauty - which is a place we've been dying to check out. of course when we got there - there was a huge line. We waited for awhile then finally Chase told the bouncer to give it to her straight - were we getting in. He replied "no". There you have it! We took ourselves to get some pizza and headed home! A successful evening!

Yesterday I woke up at 8:15 am to get on a 9:11 am train (still shocked I made it) to go home for the day. I was exhausted but it was worth it on all accounts!! Happy Monday and here's to a good week ahead of us!!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Mission Accomplished!

Soooooooo I did it!! I ran the whole thing, guys!! And I made better time than I even expected - I mean didn't set the world on fire or anything - but it was 3.5 miles and I ran it in 41 minutes! To me that was sheer amazement. Confession - I was a little emotional and happy and proud all in one and I shed a tear or 2 at the finish line.


My mom's reaction "I'm so proud of you - but did anyone you work with see you cry?! I hope not!" Well mom - that would be no because I was alone - because I have no friends. Actually I ran with one girl for awhile and then in the final mile I told her to "save herself" and to just "go on without me". It was also kinda good because then I got to listen to my iPod and have Lady Gaga take me home!

After the race we all went for pizza which I proceeded to eat my face off and enjoy every morsel that I was putting into my body! Such a great reward after running - totally counter productive - but totally worth it!

Totally random but I had a kinda embarrassing thing happen to me this morning. I went into the place that I sometimes grab breakfast from (iced tea/coffee & whole wheat role) from - and by sometimes I mean maybe once a week. On my weeks I haven't gone to the grocery store - it may be more. The guy behind the counter looked at me and goes "whole wheat role not toasted with light butter"….I was kinda mortified that they knew my order and the guy next to me just looked at me and goes "I guess you just have that kind of face".
Me being awkward

I wasn't totally sure what he meant by that - but it was really awkward and now I don’t know if I should go back for awhile. BUT the flip side is - I kinda like that they remember me. NYC has like a billion people in it and this place is always packed - but they remember a dedicated customer and for that I applaud them!

I'm so excited it's already Thursday - I feel like this week has flown by!

Oh and p.s. - did anyone watch The Voice on Tuesday night?! OMG it was beyond amazing. I think all the "picks" were spot on. However - I'm still trying to decide who to vote for this week. My gurl Vicci nailed her song - and it's one of my faves! And seriously - Jeff - brought me to tears - nothing but love. And then Javier rounded it out - amazing. I know I've said it before - but if you're not watching this show - you are completely missing out!! Its on again on Tuesday - I'm totally psyched!!

**UPDATE**
I completely forgot to mention this.  My work crush totally saw me sweating and disgusting - emabar!  Like my hair was literally slicked back in a pony tail as if I had just used a half a bottle of Dep on it.  And the other thing - I forgot that I had to "change" behind a dumpster where people (hopefully not work people) could totally see me.  I even did the sports bra to reg bra change - that was serious.  Thank God my sister was there to "help" and avoid me getting arrested for indecent exposure!!  XOXO

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

"Runnin' Down A Dream"

Hey guys! So I'm a little nervous/anxious today. Tonight - along with my company - I'm making my running debut!! I know I've discussed my situation before - so this is really huge for me. It's only a 5K - so it's not like I'm running anything crazy insane - but to me it's huge!

I was told about 2 years ago that I really could never run again. I mean I technically "could" and physically I wouldn't completely "break" - but it was strongly advised against. So I went for those shots and I did my physical therapy and eventually they told me I could do very low mileage running - no more of that marathon nonsense. About 6 months ago I started to do more of walk/runs (for about 20 minutes) and I've now built myself up to being able to run 3+ miles. This is MAYJOR for me. I haven't run in a race in years!!

So you can imagine my Scary Spice attitude for tonight.



I just hope I'm able to finish - well I mean run the whole thing & finish. I'm so scurred!! I just hope I don’t look like a complete moron in front of my co-workers - umm and by co-workers I mean my work crush!! Please send me good thoughts!! XOXO

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A Weekend of Food & Fun!

So my apologies for the delay. Yesterday my company thought it was a good idea to hold a 4 hour diversity training class. So there's that. I obvi went - it was actually very interesting and the time really did go by quickly! BUT sadly - I didn't really have much time in my day to do anything else! So here is how my weekend with Isabella went down…pretty much amazingly.

Friday we kinda have a ritual when either one of us is in town visiting the other. It's pretty strict. Dinner, wine, PJ's, TV/talk/movie. So we did just that. We met Chase for dinner/drinks at Vero (a great little wine bar if anyone is looking). It was fun to catch up and have some wine and relax. Then Isabella and I grabbed another drink at a different bar (Chase had prior dinner plans - we didn't ditch her). It was so nice out and we were able to sit outside - so it was great to prolong our catch up session! Then we headed back to my apt for comf clothes, wine & TV!! Our favorite pastime! We got really into this new show on VH1 called "Single Ladies" - nbd Dionne from Clueless stars in it. But anyways - it was really good and we got totally sucked in! Then it was getting late/ we're getting old, so we called it a night.

Saturday we met Chase for brunch at EJ's Luncheonette - again - great place! Food was amazing!! We proceeded to run around - in/out of boutiques/nail salons (looking for the best deal). Finally found one - all got mani/pedis. Somehow they convinced me that neon purple was the best option for my toes - so twist my arm - and here we are! But I will say - it's really growing on me and now I'm kinda obsessed. It's a new color from Essie and it's pretty awesome:


At one point we stumbled into this boutique and the woman was a complete lunatic. She was so pushy and just trying to "make a sale". We were the only ones in there and it was clear that we were most likely the only ones in there the WHOLE DAY! She was trying to convince Isabella that a shirt she was trying on was a dress.

It was so short and she kept telling her what a great dress it was - it was insane. Then she told me this shirt looked so good on me - meanwhile I've never seen anything so heinous - it was all wrong! We headed to a few more places, then called it a day.

We went to Otto for dinner - it pretty much changed my life. It is a Mario Batali restaurant and it was in one word - UNREAL. My mean was so incredibly good. The wine was great and the atmosphere was so fun. We started with some cheese/prosciutto and then it comes with all these "dipping accompaniments" that you use for your cheese. So good. Then for dinner I had fresh linguini with clams in a white wine sauce and Isabella had fresh pasta filled with goat cheese and a lemon basil sauce. Both of us were in Heaven! Although the desserts looked to die for, we opted for an "after dinner drink" because we were just too full! ONLY down side - I was like a complete garlic bomb - so delightful for heading out for the night in search of a husband.

So I ran into CVS for the "triple threat" - disposable tooth brush, travel sized mouth wash and gum. We brushed our teeth quickly in CVS - the girls at the register thought we were hilar and then we headed out to meet up with Chase.

We met up with her and a few of her college friends at Revival - again a fun bar. Very low key and they have a great outdoor space. I quickly became besties with one her best friends - she now lives in Nashville - so I was telling her all about my trip there! Her friends were great and we had a blast!

Sunday always comes too quickly! We had brunch with Chase at Southern Hospitality - two words - FRIED PICKLES - made the day so much more bearable. I hate when my friends have to leave and it's "back to the grind". Sundays are always filled with angst and anticipation. But I did manage to catch up on all my Real Housewives and everything else I missed the week before!

I hope you all had a great weekend and your week is off to a good start. I mean it's already Tuesday - which means tomorrow is Wednesday - which means we're almost through the week!!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Dry As A Bone

Ok so I know I've been doing some more "boring" kind of posts lately - more "informative" than of me living my insane life. But I have one more of that kind - than I promise next week will be filled with ridiculousness. If nothing else Isabella is coming for a lil visit and that ALWAYS is an adventure! Especially now that Chase is living here - things are gonna get a lil cray cray!! Full recap on Monday!

Obvi you all know about my sweating problem. I've been nothing but completely honest about the fact that it's an issue and I sweat like a whore in church. That being said - I've tried every deodorant under the sun. A-Z - you name it - I've tried it. I finally found one that worked seemingly well from Bliss and low and behold - after I finished my first bottle of it - THEY DISCONTINUED IT!! So you can imagine my frustration - back to the drawing board of Dove and Teen Spirit. BUT I think I may have just discovered the Holy Grail of deodorants!


I'm not gonna lie - it's $$ but for me - it is means dry armpits - I'm in! It's made by DERMAdoctor and it's called "Total Nonscents". It's probably the best $28 I've ever spent.



I started using it this past weekend. I was of course skeptical and angry by the fact that I just spent $28 on deodorant. But I figured I could always take it back, because Sephora (that's where you can find it)has that "100% satisfaction guarantee" - so if I hated it - I'd send it back their way! It is non-scented - which I love because I can't handle strong smells - they trigger migraines for me and that is just not fun. So I enjoyed that. Plus it's good for sensitive skin - again - always a plus. Let me tell you - it's been hotter than Haiti here in NYC these past few days and I walk a mile to work. This stuff has kept my armpits dry as a bone! I mean the rest of my body has been a lil sweaty - my hair was like a train wreck by the time I got to work this morning - I let it "air dry" and I think it was wetter when I got here than when I got out of the shower! TMI?! Sorry - just trying to keep it real. Anywho - this is stuff is UHHH-MAZING!! The only down side - and to me it's not that big of a deal - it does take a little longer to "dry" than most deodorants. So just keep that in mind before slipping on that LBD!! But I haven't had any "white marks" or issues with it.

Again - totally know it’s a lil more costly than I'd like - but for me - if it means no "pit stains" - it's worth it! It makes me feel like this - and I can do that dance now because I don’t have sweaty armpits!!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Voice

I have a new TV obsession - shocking I know! I started watching The Voice from the start - but my love just keeps on growing! Basically the premise is that the contestants have been chosen strictly by their voice. The judges picked them without being able to see them. When they heard someone they liked - they hit a button - spun around in a chair and saw the contestant. If multiple judges spun around, the contestant got to chose which team they'd like to join. From there the teams compete, etc. Ultimately it will be narrowed down to one person - voted on by America.

First off - I totally love the judges - Blake Shelton, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo & Adam Levine.

They are great balance of genres and personalities. I like that they don’t berate the contestants - rather they give constructive criticism or just tell them how amazingly talented they are - even if they are on another team.

Second - most of the contestants are so extremely talented. You just know that even if they don't "win" - someone has just "discovered" them and hopefully they'll be signed. There are some really unique voices - here are some of my favorite "off beat" ones:


Dia

Xenia

There are also some more "main stream" voices - that I'm really enjoying listening too.


Curtis (how cute is he?!)

Devon


Jeff

Tori & Taylor (sister duet)

Third - I loved the battles. Each team (to narrow things down), got paired up and one of the team members was eliminated. They had to "battle" against each other and sing their hearts out. If they won - they moved on to the next round - which is where we are now. My favorite battle - by far - was between Niki & Vicci on Cee Lo's team - it was amazing.


They are at the point in the competition now where every episode is live. After each episode, you can vote for your favorite contestant. From there people will be eliminated each week until there is just one. Each episode also includes a performance from all the judges (last night it was a Queen medley) and each judge performs with their group.

It's just pretty much the best show ever. I highly recommend that you at least give it a try - I can't imagine you'd be disappointed!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

All About The Moisturizer!

I may be slightly behind the 8 ball on this one - but I have a new beauty obsession. TINTED MOISTURIZER. I've always used foundation - a very light one - Clinique's "Almost Makeup"(which apparently they don’t make anymore), but I just recently made the switch and I must say - I'm loving it! Especially for the summer - when I don’t really like wearing much makeup at all. Mainly because by the time I get to work/out it's half way down my face. And I also like getting a little "color" - which has not happened yet - so that I really don't need much!

I tried the Bobbi Brown one. I am a fan of their products in general - so that's the main reason I chose them. Plus I know Ruby uses it and loves it too.
 

Not only do I like the color/weight/etc. I'm so happy it has SPF in it. My regular daily moisturizer did, so that was a concern of mine when I was making the switch. I'm really careful to make sure I have that on my face daily! Although it's a little $$ ($40), I think it's worth it. You also only use such a small amount - so it will go a long way! I've been applying that, then a little bronzer/blush and off I go - of course I put on eye makeup too - I'm not trying to scare anyone! It's so easy!

I also have quite a few friends that rave about the Laura Mercier one ($42). That would be next on my list - I may even try that just to compare!

For a less expensive version - I'd definitely go to Clinique ($27). I really like their products - especially since I have EXTREMELY sensitive skin. They are always a good go to!

I'd love to hear your feedback! Let me know if you have one that you are coveting - I'm always up for trying something new - as long as it doesn't totally break out my face and make me look like a lunatic! AKA Renee from Mob Wives after she got her chemical peel!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Old Man River?! Or Was It Lame?!

Happy Monday! Ugh! Worst! I would just like it to be Thursday immediately - ok? Thanks!

So I came to the conclusion last night that I'm getting very old.



I watched the MTV Movie Awards with Giuliana & Carrie. And I was so completely unimpressed. Here's are three of the main reasons:

First of all - I didn't know half of the "talent" that was there - they were all about 12 years old. They all looked so little and impressed with themselves. I call that in 5 years, half of them will have been arrested for something or other a quarter will have "leaked" sex tapes and nude photos and the other quarter will "make it".

Second - the only thing that won was Twilight. Now I know that a lot of people love it and all - but I just never got into it. I tried to read the books - I couldn't follow. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I couldn't remember the names/vampires and had to keep turning back in the book which I found totally and utterly annoying. Regardless - never did anything for me. And I've said it before and I'll say it again - I don't find Robert Pattinson one bit attractive.

Nor do I find his sour-pussed faced girlfriend endearing.



The girl never freaking smiles and it would be nice if she ran a comb through her hair once in awhile.  I mean what are you angsting about?!  You are making millions and don't have a care in the world!  Puhh-lease!

Third - I didn’t find the jokes at all funny. I thought Robert Pattinson - every time he went up to the stage - which was like 5 times - was awkward and irritating. The other jokes were really not funny to me either. Maybe I'm just getting old and that "humor" is lost on me. I'm all for a good joke (cheesy or otherwise) - but nothing really made me laugh. EXCEPT Aziz Ansari - absolutely hilar - he can do no wrong by me. He was dressed up like Jaden Smith from "Karate Kid" - amazing.




The only part I genuinely liked was when my girl Reese Witherspoon gave her acceptance speech for a lifetime achievement award she won.

I just completely heart her. And her words were so true and spot on. She has made it in that business being a "good girl" and staying out of trouble - it can be done!

There you have it - either I'm getting old - or maybe this was just a really sucky awards show. I'll keep telling myself everyone else thought it was lame too - that is all I have to hold onto on this depressing Monday morning!