Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Dr. Hottie

So for those of you that don't know, I was a pretty avid runner a few years back.  I did a marathon, half marathon and a few 10 milers along the way.  I loved running and it was a huge "release" for me.  So you can imagine my upset, when I began having extreme hip pain that would eventually lead to the end of my running career. 

I started having problems and went to one doctor after the next to try to figure out what the source of my pain was.  Finally, I was recommended to this spine specialist.  I walked in the office, same drill as every other office, signed in and finally went back to wait for him to come into the exam room.  I heard a knock on the door and I said, "come in", however I was not anticipating the beauty that was about to enter!  In walked Dr. Hottie.  I was stunned, could barely get out words.  First things first - check for a wedding ring!  Wahoo - he did not have one (or at least didn't wear one!).  Then he started asking questions and trying to figure out what was going on.  I tried very hard to be articulate and not sound like a complete idiot.  I was also trying very hard not to turn florescent purple and begin to sweat.  Not sweating was a big fail.  Ultimately, we decided that shots of cortisone (and a few other things) in my spine would be the best course of action.  I couldn't process anything he said - I was still staring.  I managed to get words out and replied "Sounds good to me - I can handle that" - what part of "cortisone shots" sounds good to anyone, btw?!?!  So I scheduled my appointment and off I went. 

Appointment day came and I made sure to look extra cute!  He walked in the room and greeted me with a HUG; oh I'm sorry what…I think we're about to get married!!  I could feel the sparks starting to fly!  Things were good - I mean a hug - no doctors greet patients that way!  OMG I was so marrying him!  So he asked me if I was ready and briefly explained the "procedure".  I was still just staring into space and imaging how good we'd look together sauntering about the streets of DC.  So he left the room so I could get "prepped".  The nurse came and brought me to another room with all these machines and crazy looking equipment in it.  Umm I was starting to get a lil nervous now - what had I gotten myself into?!  The nurse told me to lay face down on the table - and to unbutton my pants.  I thought to myself - this was going in my spine, but I guess they have their reasons.  Then in he walked and I just stared up at him as he hovered over me lying there with my face in a table.  He was so casual about it - I was being all "this will be a piece of cake" and then it happened.  The shots - oh they weren't going into my upper spine - they were going into my lower spine - and by that I mean my butt.  The cute doctor was not staring at my butt!  I was mortified and so uncomfortable by the whole thing!  How could we start a relationship when he's already seen my butt?!  I mean that's like the last thing I let a guy see - and usually by that point I'm drunk!  So while I lay there processing this all - the worst pain I have ever endured in my life was about to happen.  He put the first shot of anesthesia in and I thought that was it - then he said, "Ok hold on here it comes"!  I thought I might pass out.  I wanted to cry but tears couldn't even be formed.  I looked up and must have just looked pitiful.  He was like - are you ok - almost done - just one more side.  WHAT?!?!  I didn't know if I could do it - but before I could decide - needles were in!  WORST!  We said our good-byes - I tried to regain my composure and I left.

I had another follow up because things weren't changing and I did enjoy any chance to see him.  Basically he said we'd try it one more time.  So that's what we did.  I think this time was even worse because I was anticipating the pain that would ensue.  He jokingly said, “if this doesn't work you have full rights to punch me in the face.”  To which I replied, “you better hope it does because I have a good right hook.  A lil flirty banter never hurts!”  And we repeated the same thing - again - seeing my butt - again me being mortified! 

After that day I never saw Dr. Hottie again.  I had to follow that visit with 6 months of physical therapy and then I moved to NYC.  I still believe that we'll get married some day.  I mean we are pretty tight - he did see my butt after all!! 

No comments:

Post a Comment