I (DO NOT) Feel The Need For Speed

So I've been holding out for this post in hopes that the sheer ridiculousness would wash away any anger you had towards me for not posting in awhile.  Last night I went…wait for it….  SPEED DATING!!!  Umm well as you can imagine it did not go "as seen on TV".  It was…well you can judge for yourself how my evening went.

I was supposed to go with a friend, who is also single, we figured we'd give it a whirl and we had a Groupon.  After months of deliberating and dragging of our feet, we finally picked a night and signed up.  Let me also tell you that there are all different types of events - they range from like "20s & 30s Professionals" to Ethnic Groups to "Cubs & Cougars".  So we picked one that was for "Advanced Degrees" - she has one - I do not, but I thought well at least these guys might have jobs/be interesting!  Around 6:30 pm last night I get a text from her - "stuck at work - I'm so sorry - no way I'll be able to go".  Ummm the event starts at 7 - I'm basically there.  So I was like ok Lizzie - strap on a set and do this.  You got this.  You can do this alone.  So off I went.

I get to the place and nothing is even set up.  I find a girl, also alone, and started chatting with her.  I made my way to the bar and grabbed a drink - a much needed necessity.  The place was so dark it was hard to see - prob not the worst thing given the circumstances.  We were placed on couches basically next to each other/on top of each other.  It was so awkward.  The girls stayed seated and the guys had to move from girl to girl.  Oh and the place smelled like curry and Windex - so at least that's pleasant.  Ok so let me also back track.  The girls I was sitting next to were really pretty sure they were the smartest things in the world.  I totally did not relate.  One was expounding on how she could never date a high school teacher because she was a professor and they just couldn't handle her PhD. 

I was like ummm did anyone see Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night - and OMG did you see Vicki's new face on RHOC?!?  Soooo out of place.  But I just kept sipping my drink and hoping it would all be over soon.  And then it began.  We were given a sheet of paper to write down names and in the end you were supposed to circle your "favorites".  If they circle you, then you get "matched".  Ok I didn't follow directions.  I used my sheet (which I had already spilled my vodka/soda on for my personal notes - notes I'm using as we speak to write this).  So it starts and these are the men that I had the pleasure of meeting (these are the highlights - there was 5 long minutes of awkward convos with each)…

Guy #1:  I asked him what he liked to do for fun.  His response "I like to make robots".  Off to an awesome start!!
Guy #2:  He started the convo by telling me how annoying his nieces & nephews were.  Strike one - I'm obsessed with my nephews.
Guy #3:  First - his name was Idaho.  I'm sorry what?!  I mean if you're gonna pick a name state at least let it be cool!  He was an IT guy turned dancer.  Yup you read that correctly.  He dances and spent the whole time telling me about what an amazing dancer he was - he never even asked my name!
Guy #4:  He shook my hand and it almost fell off - so aggressive.  Then after I told him I was from Jersey he responded "Are you a Jersey Shore girl because that's a complete turn off".  Well no sir I am not - BUT don’t you ever speak ill of my beloved Jersey Shore so you and your accent, haircut, and stupid handshake can be on your way.
Guy #5:  He told me that this was his second time at one, but he doesn't remember the first time.  Apparently he's so shy that he just got annulated and can't remember how it went down.
Guy #6:  Somewhat normal, but I was totally not attracted to him.  He kinda looked like the cartoon character "Doug", but with glasses. 

Welp that brings the evening to a close!  I quickly gathered my things and was speeding out the door when the guy in charge came running…literally running…after me yelling that I needed to hand in my sheet.  Clearly I was not paying attention/following directions/the dumbest person there and I just looked at him like a deer in headlights.  He said I needed to pick a few guys.  So I asked him for another sheet and after much deliberation he gave me one (as if they're gold), so I circled 3 guys - the best of the worst (#s: 2, 5 & 6).  Then I literally couldn't get home fast enough.  Took a shower to wash away the evening. 

Today I got a delightful email saying that I "matched" with those 3 guys and I could contact them.   I promptly hit delete praying that they do the same.  Soo I mean all in all you be the judge of this evening.  Stellar is a word that comes to mind.