First off - try to not sing that Ke$ha song for the rest of the day.
Guys….the other night…I had a DATE! No no don't get scared - hell is still as hot
as ever and hasn't frozen over. My
friend Anna strongly urged/made me join Tinder.
Ugh - yes - Tinder. HOWEVER I've heard from numerous others that they've
dated/been on dates with some really great guys, so I figured - what the hell?! Welp - I had my first "Tindate" the
other night…I can't really put into words how I feel about it, so you all can
just be the judge.
Back story…he's 39 years old, in finance, decent looking
(I mean who am I to judge?!), seemed a
lil funny. He messaged me right away
after we "matched" and we started chatting. Normal stuff - nothing crazy. Eventually he asked me to grab drinks and I obliged. I should also mention that he seemed
interested/conscientious - he checked in on me over the long weekend, asked how
my trip to Boston was with my fam, etc.
I was really hopeful for this one.
We/I picked a spot and had a plan to meet there at 8 pm. Now I was really trying to make an effort - I
went home after work, re-did makeup, put
on a cute outfit, did my hair - really trying here.
It was 7:50 pm, so I was literally just
walking out the door when I got a message from him: "Hey,still in the office. I should be
there by latest 8:30. Looking fwd to
it." Basically he pretty much knew he was going to be late considering he
lives downtown and the bar was uptown and would take him about 20 minutes to
get there via subway. Sooo already I'm
annoyed, but I'm really trying here.
Like really trying. Eventually I left
my apt for the bar and we wound up getting there at the same time and had our
awkward first encounter. Phew - that's
out of the way! We sat down and he got
me a beer…so I'm still kinda hopeful…so far so good. Then he opened his mouth…. Annnnnd we're
off! I think the best way for me to recap
this is to transcribe (to my best ability) our
conversations/date/meeting/torture…
Me: So you just
started a new job, what type of work do you do in finance?
Him: Do you even know anything about finance?? (condescendingly)
Me: Well I mean basic, I was a business major, so I know some.
Him: I work on the zippity zorp of the FGB along side the WPV and the schempes schlemps. …blah blah blah (he pretty much just used only acronyms and phrases that you would know if you worked at his job/at his desk/you were him…clearly things I didn't know)
Him: Do you even know anything about finance?? (condescendingly)
Me: Well I mean basic, I was a business major, so I know some.
Him: I work on the zippity zorp of the FGB along side the WPV and the schempes schlemps. …blah blah blah (he pretty much just used only acronyms and phrases that you would know if you worked at his job/at his desk/you were him…clearly things I didn't know)
Him: (No questions about my job)
Me: So Astoria - what made you move there? I've heard great things about it, but haven't really been.
Him: I was living with my ex-girlfriend - NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! And I had to move out and clearly I was going to buy something because I could, so I looked everywhere and this was the best move. I mean it's already appreciated in value in the like 3 months I've lived there. But I had to buy like everything new - like everything. I mean I had to buy utensils.
Me: (giggling a bit because that's just that ridiculous) Utensils - huh? I mean that's kinda called being a grown up.
Him: Really - like utensils - I had to buy all new ones because I had nothing.
Me: (changing the subject - or trying to)
**I should also take the time to mention that he was
yawning the entire time. like not little
polite, I'm trying to hide how tired I am yawns, like big huge obnoxious yawns.**
Him: Sorry - I'm
just really tired - it's not you. I have
to get into work like super early. You probably
don't even understand how early. Like I have
to get there at like 7:45 am.
Me: Oh yah I get it, I'm at work around 8:30 am everyday.
Him: That's like late compared to 7:45 am.
Me: (thinking in my head…yah a whole 45 minutes really means a WORLD of difference)
Him: Oh and I normally drink more. Right now I'm just kind of off it because of my new job and I'm trying to stay focused.
Me: Totally understand - I don't really drink much during the weeks and certainly not as much as I used to! (trying to convey that even if he didn't drink at all it really didn't matter to me)
Him: NO - No I mean I get f*cked up on the weekends. Like I'm a weekend warrior (yes folks he referred to himself as a "weekend warrior"). I get f*cked up on Friday, get up Saturday, run 5 miles, brunch it up and then get f*cked up again. (did I mention he's almost 40?!)
Me: Oh that's fun.
Me: Oh yah I get it, I'm at work around 8:30 am everyday.
Him: That's like late compared to 7:45 am.
Me: (thinking in my head…yah a whole 45 minutes really means a WORLD of difference)
Him: Oh and I normally drink more. Right now I'm just kind of off it because of my new job and I'm trying to stay focused.
Me: Totally understand - I don't really drink much during the weeks and certainly not as much as I used to! (trying to convey that even if he didn't drink at all it really didn't matter to me)
Him: NO - No I mean I get f*cked up on the weekends. Like I'm a weekend warrior (yes folks he referred to himself as a "weekend warrior"). I get f*cked up on Friday, get up Saturday, run 5 miles, brunch it up and then get f*cked up again. (did I mention he's almost 40?!)
Me: Oh that's fun.
**Then we had a few other stupid conversations mainly
about how great he is, etc. Still
yawning the whole time.**
Me: I mean we can
totally go if you're tired, want to head home.
(mind you I haven't even finished my beer).
Him: Yah sounds good, let's go.
Him: Yah sounds good, let's go.
Game over. Record time
of 45 minutes.
Walk home…texting Anna and calling Hazel in Texas to just
debrief. I got home to this message from
him: "I'm sorry I was so lame. I'm usually
not like that. I'mentally and physically fatigued, drained." I just responded (which I shouldn't have even
responded looking back) "no worries".
Cut to me in DC. Discussing
this situation with Hillary & Sydney.
We kinda decided, maybe give him benefit of the doubt if he contacts me
again. I mean he's an ass, but maybe he
was just off - who knows. Saturday
morning comes along…8 am…get a message from him. Sydney and I were screeching a bit - she was
like omg I bet he's just checking on you - kinda nice - let's open it. I open it to find this gem…
"Hey, wanted to ask, did I look like my photos when u met me? Do I need to switch it up? Just curious…"
"Hey, wanted to ask, did I look like my photos when u met me? Do I need to switch it up? Just curious…"
Soooo many emotions flew - Sydney and I were screaming and yelling and ranting and raving. Who has the balls and audacity to send me that?!?!?! I mean really?! Did you really think that was a good idea?? Don't you have friends you can ask?! What a D-BAG!! Or as Anna calls him a "tinderk".
Over it!
Done and
done…on to the next…BTW I'm singing that Jay Z song in my head right now…
I’m on to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
On to the next one
Hold up, freeze
Somebody bring me back some money please…
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