Ohhhh Hey Guys...It's Me...Lizzie

Sooo guess who's back?!?!  I had  resurgence of energy and ridiculousness happening in my life and I feel like I'm ready to share!

First - elephant in the room - where the hell have I been the past year?!  How has it even been a year?!  But not to deflect - honestly - I don't really know!  Work/life has just gotten the better of me and I don't really have any other excuse.  So apologies to all you lil followers.  I know how I feel when my fave blogger falls off the face of the Earth and it's not pretty!

Second - this is the reason I'm back on the sauce...the blog sauce that is...guess who's back in the dating game?!  This girl!!  And let me tell you something - it's sucks just as much as before!  I mean full disclosure - I never really got "out" of the dating game - it was more that no one wanted to play this game with me.  Haha.  BUT I seem to be sending out good vibes to alllll the wrong people - so that equals...dating mania!!  Here are 2 quick stories - yes actual stories from real life - 

• I was "dating" this fella - he's 40 - for a lil over a month.  Moving along - things going in the right direction.  I wasn't head over heels - but it was fun to have someone and nice to have someone pay attention to me.  I finally tell all my friends about him and my mom (she never is allowed to find out until I'm ready...moms say silly things)...and LITERALLY the next day I get this text at 11 AM ON A MONDAY...I REPEAT 11 AM ON A MONDAY...

The last part said..."I hope someday you won't judge me too harshly"

• I had been talking to this guy...again 42 so we should be past the "I'm a bachelor and I'm 29 living in a frat house".  We had made plans to go out this evening (last week).  So I texted him last night saying - "Hey still good for tomorrow?  Let me know where/when you'd like to meet.  Looking forward to it!"  This is the response I received:
  

Ummm "tough" and "fantasy football draft" in the same text...

So there you have it folks...game on!!!  I'm so thrilled to be dating - I can't even contain myself!  BUT I just keep telling myself...LIZZIE THERE'S A LID TO YOUR POT SOMEWHERE...YOU JUST GOTTA FIND THAT SUCKER...EVERYONE OUTA MY WAY!

**Images from  whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com**

New Obsessions Tuesday

FINALLY it's slightly warm outside - like I didn't wear a coat at lunch warm.  Soooo with this warmer weather comes some new things that I've seen/done/tried/love.  Enjoy! 

1.  Run - DO NOT WALK - (or do walk if you're like me and will most likely trip and fall if you run with such excitement) to see Neighbors.  It was absolutely hilarious!  I related on so many levels and just laughed so hard.  Even though I don't live in a house, with a husband and/or a child, I DO live in an apartment and have found myself becoming more and more like "that old cranky biotch in 12D". The "kids" across the hall throw these ragers and if I stay in on a Friday night - it's because I need sleep - NOT because I want to hear them.  I may or may not be jealous that I wasn't invited, but that's not the point.  Anywho...it's a must see.  And can I please add...when did Zac Efron get so freaking hot??  Why am I a cougar?!  Do you think he'll go out with me?!

2.  I'm totes obsessed with this new Bobbi Brown blush/lip stuff/amazingness.  It's called "Pot Rouge for Lips & Cheeks".  

I have it in "Pale Pink".  It's fantastic.  I use it for both and it's so easy to throw in your bag and take with  you at night.  They have a bunch of colors and it's great for that "dewey" or "glowy" look.  I highly recommend it!!

3.  You guys - I've jumped on the "Oil Pulling" bandwagon.  I've gone there.  If you don't know what it is, here's a quick overview read this.  I use Coconut Oil and I've been doing it for over a week now.  I'm giving it at least 2 weeks before I'm going to even look for "results".  If nothing else, my mouth feels a lot cleaner.  I do it first thing in the morning - basically I keep a teaspoon and the oil in my bathroom - I get up, take a teaspoon and begin to swish!  During the 20 minutes, I take my shower, start to do makeup, make my bed, etc., basically my morning routine.  The first time I thought it was FOREVER, but now it kinda goes by quickly.  There are so many benefits, so I'm really hopeful this works!!  

At first I was like...

But now I'm all...

Soooo let me know if you take and LOVE any of these suggestions!!  And if you don't - don't tell me!!  Enjoy!!  XOXO

**Images from imdb.com and whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com**

NUT CAP SHELL

So Spring has Sprung…apparently.  According to my allergies at least.  According to actual temperatures…not so much.  I'm hoping for a lil warm up soon!  A little update on my life…some positive, some not so much.  BUT I know I've been a lil MIA, so this should cover the past few weeks.  It's a lil "Pro Con Pro"…sorority style flashback.

+ I went to Chicago & Houston to see some very fabulous friends.
                

·       In Chicago we did a lil shopping, caught up with old friends, ate/drank (are you seeing a theme here?!), went to RPM (which we ordered just about everything on the menu and it was all amazing - despite not seeing G&B - it was a fabulous time), and we went out and pretended to be young again.  All in all - a fantastic trip.  Chicago is one of my fave cities - the people are great the food is great - so much good going on there!
·       In Houston I went to a rodeo, ate some amazing food, drank some amazing margs and   beers outside and yup - went to a Crawfish Boil.  It was pretty much one of the best weekends ever - further fueling my "maybe I SHOULD move to Texas and just succumb to the fact that I might belong there" theory. 

- I had to sit in a doctor's office waiting for an appointment and this was what I dealt with:

·       A guy bringing his dog in a little bag and pretending like no one is seeing it.  Did I mention this was a doctor's office?!  And the dog would bark and the guy would just like look around like nothing was going on - still pretending he wasn't trying to stealthily sneak a dog into his appointment.

·       The obnoxious woman next to me told the receptionist that she didn't have time to wait (like the rest of us are all just free birds with nothing else to do but wait for the doctor).  Then she was filling out a form for her and her husband and she looked at him and goes "what is your birthday".  Ummm what?!  This is your husband.  He was like - "you don't know?!".  To which she replied "I can't remember everything."  If that relationship isn't rock solid I don’t know what is.  Annnnd then she proceeded to call someone they were discussing a "whore monger"…she was a real peach.

·       Another woman decided that it was in the best interest of the whole waiting room to hear her play whatever ridiculously loud game she was playing on her phone.  Awesome.

+ My co-workers and I decided to organize a House Crawl this past weekend.  It was pretty much amazing.  We went to 3 different apartments, had shirts made, drank too much and just kinda fratted out a bit.  It was a really good bonding experience. 

+ My sister and I met Mindy Kaling.  Yup - that's right - got a picture and all.  We went to an event at Bliss that she was at and next thing we kenw we were lined up waiting to see her…and then all of a sudden we were in a photo booth with her.  My sister sat on her lap, we had 4 "poses"…one of which my sister gave her a noogie.  Sooo that happened.  She was as awesome and fun as you would think she'd be!

+ I did a massive Spring Cleaning - got rid of 4 bags of clothes (donated them of course) and just really cleaned things up!!

- I had to go through stuff I hadn't seen in years...including things I prob wish I never saw again.  I.e. cards from old boyfriends, things I thought I threw out, cards/notes from people I don't even know who they are…aka "Can't wait to see you when you get back.  Have fun with your family.  Love you!! John". Ummmmm I don’t or remember one person named John.  I have zero idea who it is and who sent me such love notes.  

+ Saw a few good plays, movies, TV shows…

·       Bullets Over Broadway with Zach Braff - really good!  It's a new show on Broadway and I definitely recommend it!

·       The Other Woman - my sister and I saw this the other night.  I wasn't expecting to like it as much as I did - honestly I laughed out loud in more m parts than not.  It wasn't like "best movie ever" - but it was exactly what I needed - a nice light rom-com.

·       If you aren't already watching these shows/watched these shows - you need to get on board stat - Southern Charm & Chrisley Knows Best.  Honestly - they are both so amazing.  I literally died over Christly Knows Best - I can't even handle that family. 

+ There's a new hot guy in my apartment building - on my floor - like 3 doors down from me. 

- I stood at the elevator with said gentleman the other day and iddn't know what to do - so we just stood there awkwardly in silence waiting.  Then we got in…I wiped the drool from my mouth …and I was so distracted I forgot to push the button to go to the bottom floor….so up we went to the top!  Then I casually/awkwardly/Lizzie-esque had this convo:
                       Me:  Soooo did you just move in?
                       Him:  Nope been here for about 6 months. How long have you been here?
                       Me:  Four years. (this is going swimmingly)
                       Him:  How do you like it?
                       Me:  It's good - nice and quiet. 
ANNNNND scene!  Not only was that one of the lamest things for me to say - we reached the ground floor and out he went…haven't seen him since.

There you have it people - a (I swear to God this is what I just said in my head as I was typing and went back to type this because it needs explanation) NUT CAP SHELL (I believe I was trying to say both "nut shell" and "recap").  Yup - I'm loosing my marbles!!  Be back soon…just gonna go try to find those quickly!

Images from:  #whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com

Just A Lil Update

So I've finally moved on from my "Tindcident" (so many things you can do with that name).  Came across this and it's so nicely put…

 

Here are just a few things that have happened to me in the past few days/week:

• I may or may not have had my Hanky Panky thong on backwards yesterday (and realized it when I got home because I was THAT busy at work).
  
• Guys.  I was ALONE at the bus stop with the woman I hate!  Just me and  her!  Basically I was there first.  She freaking stands beside me to the right (line forms to the left lady) and shoves her way on first.  AND she was wearing that stupid hat & an even stupider fur/blanket/fugly coat.  I just can't with this woman!
  
• Caught up on TV…Bachelor - JP - you're kind of a douche!  My feelings towards him have drastically changed.  Love Andi for doing what she did.  I'm Team Nicki all the way - I can't bear listening to Claire's voice anymore!  Teen Mom - Janelle - really with the baby?!  RHOBH - this reunion is going to be off the chain.  Scandal - back and better than ever - LOVE!!  Just started True Detective - get involved!
  
• Took a Pilates class…thought it would be nice and relaxing.  Welp I was the only one in the class.  Good news - I got a great workout.  Bad news - I worked out really hard and was sweating like a maniac.
  
• Felt extremely old the other night…took my my younger sister and a "girl" I used to BABYSIT for out for dinner & DRINKS.  I mean what?!  There are 4 "girls" and the youngest is now in high school.  For some reason that hit me like a lead balloon…or possibly a wrecking ball.
  
• Went to the Penrose on Saturday night with a great little group!  So much fun catching up!!  My 2 favorite law students, my sister & Anna.  Basically we were there so long and drank so much that they gave us free drinks.  Is this not the best place ever?!
  
• After said drinks/dinner Anna and I went to another bar where this exchange proceeded to happen…
  Guy walks up to us completely bombed.
  Anna: "Can I help you with something?"
  Guy: "I'm from Wyoming."
  Me: "That's nice - is there something you needed?!"
  Guy: "I'm supposed to meet a girl on 82^nd & 2^nd"
  Me:  "Well that's where you are…this bar is between 81^st & 82^nd, so you're basically there."
  Guy: "How do I get there?  I’m not from around here."
  Anna: "You're there.  Just walk outside."
  Guy: "I don’t really  know this girl. It's a 'friend of a friend'."
  Anna:  "Right we get it you met on Tinder, just go hook up."
  Guy:  "I'm gonna call her because I don’t know where I need to go. "  Makes phone call.  "Ok yah so she's on 2^nd & 2^nd just like I thought.  I'll prob just walk there."
  Anna:  "Well you're 80 blocks away, so good luck."
  Guy:  Acts as if we're wrong.  Drunkenly looks at me "your friend is beautiful."  Kisses my hand. "Pleasure meeting you both."
  AND SCENE
  
• I'm very excited because I'm going to Philly after work today!! Wahooo!!  Can't wait to see Isabella!!  
  
  We're going to the Flower Show tomorrow and I'm kinda psyched!  My how things have changed from our visits of yesterday. 

I'm outa here kids!  Enjoy your weekends!  XOXO

Images from:  #whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com

Oscar Night's Outrageous Outfits

Happy Monday all you little chickadees!  Once again, NYC has snow, awesome, so over it.  Sorry that's the end of that.  I hope you all had fabulous weekends, I sure did!  I'll get to that later this week....because last night...WAS OSCAR NIGHT!!!  It's a night I've been waiting for and love - and it did not disappoint!  

First - before I get to all my fashion faves/misses - Ellen did great!   I thought there were a few "lulls" that could have been taken out (aka would have made it a lil shorter so I could go to bed), but over all I thought it was great.  Loved when she made fun of J Law and Jonah Hill.  The pizza was a hit and Brad Pitt handing  out paper plates as if he was a room mom in my 1st grade class, just was amazing.  The stars seemed relaxed for the most part and all of the jokes were in good fun - which I love!  I thought the winners were well deserved, although it was a very tough year.  I think Leo was a lil short handed, BUT my boy Matthew is flawless.  I really think it was a really hard year to pick just one, I know I had a few in each category that I really thought were outstanding.  

And now...on to the fashion.  I saw a lot of neutrals and lace this year.  A lot of sparkle, too.  Honestly, I didn't have that many that I didn't think looked great.  And even those - most weren't horrible - they just fell flat.  Soooo here are my hits & misses!

Favorite Singles:

Killing IT!!!  Love this color on her and the necklace is perfect.  Amazing

The hair.  The color.  The cut.  All perfection.

Stunning.  The beading on this dress is insane.  Simple hair & makeup made the look stellar.

This color is gorg.  I'm not sold on the headband, but it's so beautiful.

Classic.  So simple and sophisticated.

Slayed it.  That top and the silhouette is just unreal.

The bow tie.  The hair.  The eyes.  I die.

One of my absolute faves of the night.  This color on her and that body of hers.  It's not fair.

Looking good Mr. Cooper!

I'm sorry but could she be any more gorg as a very pregnant woman?!  That color is perfect on her.

The only way this could be more perfect is if Ben was hanging on her arm.

Most of you know about my girl crush on Kate, so this just added to it.  This dress on her was so beyond.

That necklace is so gorg.  She really just nailed it with the all white and red lip.

Obsessed with this color.  And the jewelry is just so on point.

Am I a cougar or is Zefron just getting really hot?!  What is happening?!  

Favorite Doubles:

Flawless.  Angie is a bit more "buttoned up" than usual, but she looks great and Brad - classic!

Can you even?!  That dress is beyond and he's so handsome it's not normal.  LOVE.

These 2 just really don't disappoint.  Flawless.

Once again - they just slayed the carpet.  Couldn't be more adorable and gorg.

I'm sorry...she's pregnant with twins guys!  How amazing do these 2 look - and that color is just gorg.

Not So Much:

I adore her - but I just didn't like that middle section.  The flowers did nothing.

So boring.  The top looks like something from 1994 and the shape does zero for her.

Love him - but it's the Oscars.  Put some pants on.  And her - I can't.

Just way too much black and that dress does zero for her.

Not awful - but something just doesn't seem right.

This made me just feel really blue.

The shape is fine, but I just really did not like the top and the way her hair was - didn't work for me.

Just no.  Everything is just wrong.

Pics from perezhilton.com

It's Going Down...I'm Yelling TINDER!

First off - try to not sing that Ke$ha song for the rest of the day.  

Guys….the other night…I had a DATE!  No no don't get scared - hell is still as hot as ever and hasn't frozen over.  My friend Anna strongly urged/made me join Tinder.  Ugh - yes - Tinder. HOWEVER I've heard from numerous others that they've dated/been on dates with some really great guys, so I figured - what the hell?!  Welp - I had my first "Tindate" the other night…I can't really put into words how I feel about it, so you all can just be the judge.

Back story…he's 39 years old, in finance, decent looking (I mean who am I to judge?!), seemed  a lil funny.  He messaged me right away after we "matched" and we started chatting.  Normal stuff - nothing crazy.  Eventually he asked me to grab drinks and I obliged.  I should also mention that he seemed interested/conscientious - he checked in on me over the long weekend, asked how my trip to Boston was with my fam, etc.  I was really hopeful for this one.  We/I picked a spot and had a plan to meet there at 8 pm.  Now I was really trying to make an effort - I went home after work, re-did  makeup, put on a cute outfit, did my hair - really trying here.  

It was 7:50 pm, so I was literally just walking out the door when I got a message from him:  "Hey,still in the office. I should be there by latest 8:30.  Looking fwd to it." Basically he pretty much knew he was going to be late considering he lives downtown and the bar was uptown and would take him about 20 minutes to get there via subway.  Sooo already I'm annoyed, but I'm really trying here.  Like really trying.  Eventually I left my apt for the bar and we wound up getting there at the same time and had our awkward first encounter.  Phew - that's out of the way!  We sat down and he got me a beer…so I'm still kinda hopeful…so far so good.  Then he opened his mouth…. Annnnnd we're off!  I think the best way for me to recap this is to transcribe (to my best ability) our conversations/date/meeting/torture…

Me:  So you just started a new job, what type of work do you do in finance?
Him:  Do you even know anything about finance?? (condescendingly)
Me:  Well I mean basic, I was a business major, so I know some.
Him:  I work on the zippity zorp of the FGB along side the WPV and the schempes schlemps. …blah blah blah (he pretty much just used only acronyms and phrases that you would know if you worked at his job/at his desk/you were him…clearly things I didn't know)

Me:  (Smile & nod)….
Him:  (No questions about my job)
Me:  So Astoria - what made you move there?  I've heard great things about it, but haven't really been.
Him:  I was living with my ex-girlfriend - NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! And I had to move out and clearly I was going to buy something because I  could, so I looked everywhere and this was the best move.   I mean it's already appreciated in value in the like 3 months I've lived there.  But I had to buy like everything new - like everything.  I mean I had to buy utensils.
Me:  (giggling a bit because that's just that ridiculous) Utensils - huh?  I mean that's kinda called being a grown up.
Him:  Really - like utensils - I had to buy all new ones because I had nothing.
Me:  (changing the subject - or trying to)

**I should also take the time to mention that he was yawning the entire time.  like not little polite, I'm trying to hide how tired I am yawns, like big huge obnoxious yawns.**

Him:  Sorry - I'm just really tired - it's not you.  I have to get into work like super early.  You probably don't even understand how early.  Like I have to get there at like 7:45 am.
Me:  Oh yah I get it, I'm at work around 8:30 am everyday. 
Him:  That's like late compared to 7:45 am.
Me:  (thinking in my head…yah a whole 45 minutes really means a WORLD of difference)
Him:  Oh and I normally drink more.  Right now I'm just kind of off it because of my new job and I'm trying to stay focused.
Me:  Totally understand - I don't really drink much during the weeks and certainly not as much as I used to! (trying to convey that even if he didn't drink at all it really didn't matter to me)
Him:  NO - No I mean I get f*cked up on the weekends.  Like I'm a weekend warrior (yes folks he referred to himself as a "weekend warrior").  I get f*cked up on Friday, get up Saturday, run 5 miles, brunch it up and then get f*cked up again.  (did I mention he's almost 40?!)
Me:  Oh that's fun.

**Then we had a few other stupid conversations mainly about how great he is, etc.  Still yawning the whole time.**

Me:  I mean we can totally go if you're tired, want to head home.  (mind you I haven't even finished my beer).
Him:  Yah sounds good, let's go.

Game over.  Record time of 45 minutes.

Walk home…texting Anna and calling Hazel in Texas to just debrief.  I got home to this message from him:  "I'm sorry I was so lame. I'm usually not like that. I'mentally and physically fatigued, drained."  I just responded (which I shouldn't have even responded looking back) "no worries". 

Cut to me in DC.  Discussing this situation with Hillary & Sydney.  We kinda decided, maybe give him benefit of the doubt if he contacts me again.  I mean he's an ass, but maybe he was just off - who knows.  Saturday morning comes along…8 am…get a message from him.  Sydney and I were screeching a bit - she was like omg I bet he's just checking on you - kinda nice - let's open it.  I open it to find this gem…

"Hey, wanted to ask, did I look like my photos when u met me? Do I need to switch it up? Just curious…"

Soooo many emotions flew - Sydney and I were screaming and yelling and ranting and raving.  Who has the balls and audacity to send me that?!?!?!  I mean really?!  Did you really think that was a good idea??  Don't you have friends you can ask?!  What a D-BAG!!  Or as Anna calls him a "tinderk".

Over it!  

Done and done…on to the next…BTW I'm singing that Jay Z song in my head right now…

I’m on to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

On to the next one

Hold up, freeze

Somebody bring me back some money please…

**Photos from #Whatshouldwecallme and RealityTVGifs**