I DON’T WANT TO

It all started one fateful night when Syrah and I found ourselves the only girls in our group that were up for a night on the town. After a wonderful date at Matchbox where we tried our hardest to rally and not fall asleep in our sliders – we decided to meet a group of guys (mostly Syrah’s friends) at this bar downtown. An important note is that this was probably like one of the first times I had gone out after Chaz and I had broken up – so I was trying to put myself out there and all my friends were pushing me to get back in the game! So off I went!

Shortly after we got there and a few redheaded sluts later – I found myself in the arms of a very good looking guy – the older brother of one of Syrah’s friends. His name was Bumble. I just thought he was the cutest thing and was taking an interest in me – which is not very common! So I did what any 20 something would do – I went home with him and we hooked up in his awesome basement bedroom – so romantic. And I actually now that I’m remembering this – I tried to block a lot out – I believe none other than Michael Jackson was playing in the background. The next morning was the usual – me trying to figure out where the hell I was, an awkward hug, and a bad case of “walk of shame” as my friend drove me to the metro.

So being the girl that I am – the following week I was so excited when I found out that he was going to be at a bar I was going to after the High Heel Races (drag queens running the streets of Dupont Circle the night before Halloween – a fine DC tradition). So after quite a few drinks and drag queens – we met up with the boys. I walked in and there was Bumble – my hopes were high and I was feeling good! After a few more drinks and several awkward looks/ stares – I got my liquid courage up to go talk to him. Here was my thought process – I’m a mature woman – I can talk to this guy and ask if he wants to grab a drink after work. I mean after all, we did share an intimate night with the Pop Prince. So that’s what I did – I went up to him and smiled my best smile (it’s propably also a good time to note that I have no game – like zero – most likely negative – most of my attempts come out awkward and never as I had envisioned). So we chatted for a lil bit and then I said, “Would you like to grab a drink after work this week”. He looked at me like a deer in headlights and despite his efforts – no words even came out of his mouth. To which I responded (ever so confident), “I mean if you don’t want to – its totally fine – just tell me that – no big deal…” And that is when he was able to form words again and said simply – while looking deep into my eyes, “I DON’T WANT TO”. There it is folks – I don’t want to. I’m sorry, WHAT?!?! Just four simple words. My response – I turned around – grabbed a random drink on the table where Ruby and Sydney were anxiously waiting for me to tell them about the date I had the next night, poured it down my throat, threw my hand in the air – made a circular motion with my index finger and yelled “Sydney” and out we went. I of course waited until I was in the cab to burst into hysterical tears and the poor cab driver was throwing napkins at me saying “stooopid boys”.