Richard

Oh Richard, where do I even begin?!?! I met him at my five year college reunion. We were out at our old “stomping grounds” and he was randomly there with his boys from college on a guys golf weekend. He also had this lil (and I stress lil) friend with him, Tate. For whatever reason, Tate took a shine to me – of course I was probably the tallest girl in the whole damn bar and this 5 foot nothing guy was the only one vying for my attention – FML. Anyways – Tate took my number when we realized we all lived in DC and we should totally all be besties.

Tate proceeded to call and email me just about 3 times a day and was so excited to come to my birthday party the following week. So they showed up at my party and after everyone pretty much left, except me, Ruby and a few random co-workers, Richard and I shared a moment – I was totally smitten!

Next time I saw him was at this bar and one thing led to another – next thing I know I’m buying shots and then I’m in his bed! Whoops and whoops! We had a great night – I was totally into him and everything was great. I woke up the next morning and realized that I actually had to go to work and I felt like I may die a slow and painful death. The only words I could muddle out were, “what are my coordinates?” to which he responded, “I’m sorry are we playing Battleship?” And romance began! So he grabbed me a cab and I realized – I’m in the same outfit I wore yesterday! So I did what any respectable girl would do – had the cab driver drop me off at Macy’s. I then wandered around like a sketchy homeless woman (because I had not showered, makeup everywhere, and my hair was a total mess). It is there that I bought probably one of my most favorite purchases ever! It totally seemed normal and amazing at the time. It was a powder blue button down (wrinkle free) shirt with a pattern on it to go with my black pants that I was ok re-wearing. Like in the whole entire store – this was the only thing that made sense?!?! So off I went to work – showered in our gym and made it only a few minutes late!

So our hooking up continued for a few months – totally said I was fine being casual – meanwhile I was planning the nursery in our “nautical themed” child’s room! No I’m not that crazy – but I did really like him. One night I was supposed to meet him at his apartment after a night out with the girls. Well a night with the girls consisted of Syrah, Ruby and I doing Power Hour and then getting obliterated at Gin & Tonic. By the time I got to his apartment I was a disaster. Let’s just say that in the cab, the guy stopped short and I got myself stuck sideways between my seat and the front seat. I panicked and thought I’d never free myself. But I did. So I proceeded to call Richard incessantly, it kept going straight to voicemail and when he didn’t answer I took myself into his lobby and proceeded to tell the guard that I needed to see him but I didn’t know his apartment number. After much negotiation and anger – I left. And with that I also left one final voicemail that went something like this “oh I’m sorry did you think I was just some kind of whore that would show up to your apartment and keep doing this and I’m not a whore – you don’t deserve me. Why did you tell me to come over – I’m sorry I came – I shouldn’t have come – I’m never coming again…” then I think I probably trailed off and realized that I was in the middle of nowhere at 3:30 in the morning by myself and should really focus my efforts on getting myself home.

Well I’m sure you can predict the outcome – we never really spoke after that...until one ridiculous night. He just needed to come back for some more Lizzie! And that is a story for another day!