I Just Want To Have Sex With You

So this guy asked me out. I didn't really know how I felt about him, but trying to be open minded, I obliged. I met him at a restaurant for a dinner date. We had dinner and conversation was flowing, I thought – this might not be bad. We stayed for a few drinks after dinner and were getting along great. So we decided to continue the date at another bar. We were standing outside trying to decide where to go, when he suggested that we go back to his apartment. I giggled a bit and said I didn’t think I was ready for that, but would love to have another drink, so let’s pick a place. I mean really - I don't even know this guy - there was NO WAY I was going to take myself to his apartment! To which he replied, “Really, I don’t care where we go. Bottom line, I just want to have sex with you, so it doesn’t matter how we get to the end result. But the end result will be you and me at my apartment having sex.” Oh, I'm sorry, what?! I didn’t know quite how to respond to that other than to laugh awkwardly. Then I quickly realized he was dead serious, so I said, “Whelp it’s getting late – gotta catch the metro – thanks for dinner”! And that was that – I left – actually I think I may have even jogged a bit!

New Favorite Obsession

So I’ve been requested to not only write about the wackiness in my life, but also other "normal" things about my life. So I have a new obsession that I’d like you to all be a part of. It’s called The Beauty Blender . It is this amazing lil pink sponge that is shaped like a teardrop. You are supposed to use it to apply makeup and then go back and “blend” it together for that flawless, airbrushed look. I’m not 100% that it is even doing anything for me – but in my heart I feel it is. I feel like it is pretty much the most amazing thing that I have ever purchased, makeup-wise. Basically I think you should all go out and pick one up! Let me know how obsessed you are after the first time it grazes your face!

Another thing that I’m obsessed with is my friend’s new blog! She has good insight into new fashion, deals & steals, and various other amazing ideas!! You should definitely check it out: Hey Lady! I promise you’ll pick up some great tips!!

Bad Date #47

So I’m on this date with this guy that I had just met. He asked me to meet him at this trendy wine bar at 6:30 pm. So of course I’m obvi there on time (if you don’t know I’m a lil anal/ OCD – especially when it comes to time). He rolls in at 7:15 – no apologies – nothing! Right off the bat I’m annoyed. He then sits down and we start chatting. He of course, only talks about himself and asks me no questions. Then he begins to tell me that he doesn’t believe in marriage and thinks it’s a horrible idea – Oh I’m sorry what is the point of this date?!?! So then I’m just trying to wrap things up ASAP and we get the check. He says to me that we can just split it – despite the fact that I had a $6 glass of wine and he had a $30 WINE FLIGHT!! I say fine, I just wanted to leave and throw down the money. As we’re saying goodbye and I’m going to get my coat on, I have my back turned, he goes, “well good to meet you, have a good night, I see some people I know…” as I hear him trailing off. I can’t even get up quick enough before he’s gone to this table of girls! I was like – ok well, you’re a real treat! I was so annoyed I threw my scarf on and walked out in a huff!

Richard

Oh Richard, where do I even begin?!?! I met him at my five year college reunion. We were out at our old “stomping grounds” and he was randomly there with his boys from college on a guys golf weekend. He also had this lil (and I stress lil) friend with him, Tate. For whatever reason, Tate took a shine to me – of course I was probably the tallest girl in the whole damn bar and this 5 foot nothing guy was the only one vying for my attention – FML. Anyways – Tate took my number when we realized we all lived in DC and we should totally all be besties.

Tate proceeded to call and email me just about 3 times a day and was so excited to come to my birthday party the following week. So they showed up at my party and after everyone pretty much left, except me, Ruby and a few random co-workers, Richard and I shared a moment – I was totally smitten!

Next time I saw him was at this bar and one thing led to another – next thing I know I’m buying shots and then I’m in his bed! Whoops and whoops! We had a great night – I was totally into him and everything was great. I woke up the next morning and realized that I actually had to go to work and I felt like I may die a slow and painful death. The only words I could muddle out were, “what are my coordinates?” to which he responded, “I’m sorry are we playing Battleship?” And romance began! So he grabbed me a cab and I realized – I’m in the same outfit I wore yesterday! So I did what any respectable girl would do – had the cab driver drop me off at Macy’s. I then wandered around like a sketchy homeless woman (because I had not showered, makeup everywhere, and my hair was a total mess). It is there that I bought probably one of my most favorite purchases ever! It totally seemed normal and amazing at the time. It was a powder blue button down (wrinkle free) shirt with a pattern on it to go with my black pants that I was ok re-wearing. Like in the whole entire store – this was the only thing that made sense?!?! So off I went to work – showered in our gym and made it only a few minutes late!

So our hooking up continued for a few months – totally said I was fine being casual – meanwhile I was planning the nursery in our “nautical themed” child’s room! No I’m not that crazy – but I did really like him. One night I was supposed to meet him at his apartment after a night out with the girls. Well a night with the girls consisted of Syrah, Ruby and I doing Power Hour and then getting obliterated at Gin & Tonic. By the time I got to his apartment I was a disaster. Let’s just say that in the cab, the guy stopped short and I got myself stuck sideways between my seat and the front seat. I panicked and thought I’d never free myself. But I did. So I proceeded to call Richard incessantly, it kept going straight to voicemail and when he didn’t answer I took myself into his lobby and proceeded to tell the guard that I needed to see him but I didn’t know his apartment number. After much negotiation and anger – I left. And with that I also left one final voicemail that went something like this “oh I’m sorry did you think I was just some kind of whore that would show up to your apartment and keep doing this and I’m not a whore – you don’t deserve me. Why did you tell me to come over – I’m sorry I came – I shouldn’t have come – I’m never coming again…” then I think I probably trailed off and realized that I was in the middle of nowhere at 3:30 in the morning by myself and should really focus my efforts on getting myself home.

Well I’m sure you can predict the outcome – we never really spoke after that...until one ridiculous night. He just needed to come back for some more Lizzie! And that is a story for another day!

To Match Or Not To Match – THAT Is The Question!

So I’m going back and forth and trying to figure out if this is something that I want to do or not. I’ve been down this road before and hated every second of it. But, I do feel like it would provide you all endless laughs (at my expense) and it would give me new material. I mean I know that I’m new to this city and it may be a good source of meeting new people. And it’s not like meeting guys at bars is soooo easy! And for those reasons I think it would be good. I mean – it’s a free drink (most of the time) and you never know who you’ll meet.

However, on the flip side, quite frankly I hate it. I hate feeling like I’m “paying” for love. I hate sorting the good from the bad. I hate the awkward first dates. I hate having all those creepsters email me and say things like (and these are direct quotes) “Ok, time to hit eBay to find that shiny armor to go with my white horse”, “Hey gorgeous. How are you today?”, and one of my personal favorites “yonight I'm cooking you an AMAZING dinner at my condo in Arlington (Courthouse Area). Afterwards renting a romantic dvd at Hollywood Video and chillin' and enjoyin each other's company. All other plans you had are officially cancelled! :)”. Oh, I'm sorry...what?!?! Are those amazing sentiments supposed to make me swoon?! So after those fine words, I hope you can see why I may be hesitant.

So I’ll leave this decision up to you. Tell me what I should do!! Do I suck it up and embrace the creeps of NYC or do I tuck up in my apartment and hope Prince Charming comes knocking on my door?!

Flashing Someone on the First Date = Awkward

I’m so excited that I had a date. I went out and bought a brand new dress – thinking I’m so cute! It’s had these lil tiny gold buttons up the front and it took me like 20 minutes to button myself and my fingers were practically bleeding – but I looked cute damnit! So I was meeting this guy and of course Ruby and I decide it’s in my best interest to have a few glasses of wine before I go, to calm my nerves and all. So we go down to the bar in our office building and get 3 glasses of wine – whoops- Lizzie is a lil tipsy! So I go to meet him and he’s already there. I’m so frazzled and of course sweating (again – a lil thing about me – major sweating problem – so attractive!). So he asks if he can get me a glass of wine – I of course oblige. Then we go over to a more “intimate” part of the bar so we can talk. So I go to take my snap up coat off and snap all the buttons and I’m trying to get my arms out when I look down and low and behold my dress is unbuttoned down to my bellybutton! Yes – my whole bra and stomach are hanging out and of course I panic. I don’t do the logical thing and put my coat back on – oh no – I try to wrestle with my coat and flail about like a lunatic trying to get it off as quickly as possibly so I can make myself descent once again – all the while saying “haha I don’t normally do this on the first date (awkward laugh)”. Let’s just say the date was fine – but he did not call back!

Guilty Pleasures

So it’s come to my attention that my so-called “guilty pleasures” may be getting in the way of my dating life. I mean kind of a problem – but I’m not sure I’m ready to remedy this situation! Let me break this down for you. Every night, well Monday – Thursday, I have certain TV shows that I need to watch. My schedule is as follows:

Monday – 90210 & Gossip Girl
Tuesday – Glee & Hellcats
Wednesday – Modern Family & Real Housewives of either BH, OC, NJ, or NY
Thursday – The Office, 30 Rock & Jersey Shore
And while I’m admitting things – I do enjoy a good Jerseylicious on Sunday nights followed by the Kardashians & maybe Holly’s World

That being said – you can understand that with that kinda line up – a girl stays busy! So this guy, that I will say I’m not really feeling, asked me to grab a drink one night this week. And I can’t really believe that I’m admitting this – but I told him the only day I could do something was Tuesday (knowing full well that Glee was a repeat). What is wrong with me?! And he can’t do Tuesday night – so my response was “well maybe next week”. I know that if I was really excited – I’d be all over it, but I mean I’d rather be watching my shows than go out! Am I wrong?! Please validate these guilty pleasures!!

I DON’T WANT TO

It all started one fateful night when Syrah and I found ourselves the only girls in our group that were up for a night on the town. After a wonderful date at Matchbox where we tried our hardest to rally and not fall asleep in our sliders – we decided to meet a group of guys (mostly Syrah’s friends) at this bar downtown. An important note is that this was probably like one of the first times I had gone out after Chaz and I had broken up – so I was trying to put myself out there and all my friends were pushing me to get back in the game! So off I went!

Shortly after we got there and a few redheaded sluts later – I found myself in the arms of a very good looking guy – the older brother of one of Syrah’s friends. His name was Bumble. I just thought he was the cutest thing and was taking an interest in me – which is not very common! So I did what any 20 something would do – I went home with him and we hooked up in his awesome basement bedroom – so romantic. And I actually now that I’m remembering this – I tried to block a lot out – I believe none other than Michael Jackson was playing in the background. The next morning was the usual – me trying to figure out where the hell I was, an awkward hug, and a bad case of “walk of shame” as my friend drove me to the metro.

So being the girl that I am – the following week I was so excited when I found out that he was going to be at a bar I was going to after the High Heel Races (drag queens running the streets of Dupont Circle the night before Halloween – a fine DC tradition). So after quite a few drinks and drag queens – we met up with the boys. I walked in and there was Bumble – my hopes were high and I was feeling good! After a few more drinks and several awkward looks/ stares – I got my liquid courage up to go talk to him. Here was my thought process – I’m a mature woman – I can talk to this guy and ask if he wants to grab a drink after work. I mean after all, we did share an intimate night with the Pop Prince. So that’s what I did – I went up to him and smiled my best smile (it’s propably also a good time to note that I have no game – like zero – most likely negative – most of my attempts come out awkward and never as I had envisioned). So we chatted for a lil bit and then I said, “Would you like to grab a drink after work this week”. He looked at me like a deer in headlights and despite his efforts – no words even came out of his mouth. To which I responded (ever so confident), “I mean if you don’t want to – its totally fine – just tell me that – no big deal…” And that is when he was able to form words again and said simply – while looking deep into my eyes, “I DON’T WANT TO”. There it is folks – I don’t want to. I’m sorry, WHAT?!?! Just four simple words. My response – I turned around – grabbed a random drink on the table where Ruby and Sydney were anxiously waiting for me to tell them about the date I had the next night, poured it down my throat, threw my hand in the air – made a circular motion with my index finger and yelled “Sydney” and out we went. I of course waited until I was in the cab to burst into hysterical tears and the poor cab driver was throwing napkins at me saying “stooopid boys”.

It's Here!!

So here ya go! The greatly anticipated launch of my blog! The title pretty much tells the story of my life. This is my “go to” statement and 9 times out of 10 it is a perfect response to any situation I find myself in! Here’s a lil intro and a bit about what you can expect from my blog.

Intro/About Me: I just turned thirty. I just moved to NYC. I’m single. I mean, need I say more?! Basically I’m just a “normal” girl trying to make it in this crazy city. I love what I do – I think! I cherish my friendships and I’m a “family” girl. One would think that with that intro, I lead a very boring life. Which many days – I do, but when things are “cray cray” they are really “cray cray”!!

The Blog: I’ve had some very interesting things happen to me over my life and after much encouragement from my friends – I’ve decided to start documenting! So basically this will be a “tell all” about my adventures in life! It will most likely not be “grammatically correct”. I do use abbreviations – obvi! Basically it will be my “stream of conscious”. You can expect some new stories and some “blasts from the past”. All names have been “altered” to, what I feel, are appropriate nicknames. I will try to post as often as possible, but can’t promise everyday!

So that’s basically it – enjoy!! XOXO